Mutterings for the Minority

I was sent this by a female colleague today (thanks KS) and thought it was worth sharing because – (a) it’s funny and (b) it’s factually correct

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally , the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.)

We always hear ” the rules” From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are OUR rules!

Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE !

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sport… It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really .

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can – to give them a laugh.

Pass this to as many women as you can – to give them a bigger laugh.

So, what do you reckon fellas/ladies?

Got absolutely saturated during my cycle into work this morning, so much so that my cycling daps were full of water. On days like this I do wonder if commuting to work by bike is all it’s cracked up to be! I’m sure my colleagues in the office would agree, as there are now bits of my cycling kit (bar my undergarments of course!) hanging everywhere.

Just to compound matters further when I got to work, the darn showers were out of order so I had to make do with a quick swill with water from the sink! No prizes for guessing who’s room is damp, smelly and dirty today

On the subject of cycling, here is a tip for anyone who like me has ever bought a new set of pedals for their bike, only to find that the left and right pedals aren’t easily identified. Before some smartarse points out what’s the bloody difference – believe me there is, like the threads on the spindle going in opposite directions for starters.

Anyway, back to my original point about the pedals and aided by the picture below, you can tell which is left and right by the ‘flick up’ tabs on the pedal (spike shaped tab near top of picture in black).

These should be at the back and bottom of the pedal as you would look down at the pedals from sitting on the bike.

Hope that helps someone? If it hasn’t then I hope at least you might have learnt something new today

After my day of relaxation and enjoyment yesterday, it was back to the graft today and time to catch up with some freelance web work I’ve been doing of late.

I’ve got a couple of projects on the go at the moment, one for Siop Ty Tawe and the other for the Pontarddulais Partnership. Both of them are nearing completion and then it’ll be time to do the work I’d scheduled for another client of mine.

All of the the freelance stuff I’ve done over the years has given me a great insight into the world of open source software and an opportunity to broaden my skills and knowledge in this field. I’ve also come to appreciate the hard work of others that have made open source what it is today.

In terms of the web, if anyone is looking for a Content Management System to run their site (whatever the subject – personal, business, community, promotional, etc), then you wouldn’t go far wrong by taking a closer look at Drupal and Joomla for a solution. Couple this with a quality but affordable hosting solution such as those offered by Lunarpages – which I’ve blogged about in the past – and whose packages have improved further since then.

Heck I even run Ubuntu 7.04 server at home as well as my Windows XP machine and despite the former being somewhat of a ‘new kid on the block’ it is certainly a slick and smooth OS. If you’ve ever fancied having a go at linux but are petrified of nobbling your windows machine, grab yourself a copy of Knoppix – the linux on a bootable CD solution. There’s no need to install anything, just put it in your CD drive and watch it booth up – hey presto you got yourself a linux OS to play with. Oww did I forget to say it’s all free as well

Have fun – I certainly have (especially being an anorak like!).

The excitement of the Swans first home league game of the season had been building all week and with a near full house to watch the game against FEC Forest it was sure to be a cracker.

After my usual pre-match ritual of getting the match programme around lunchtime and having a good read pre-match the excitement was growing as 3pm grew nearer. The only downside was that the weather was so lousy – the rain was pretty much incessant. Nevertheless, it was good to catch up with the Dieters Bar Jacks once again after a summer of discontent (due to the weather and a lack of football!).

I took up my new seat in the ASBO stand (AKA Asda stand) and watched the Swans pulverise Forest for the best part of the entire 90 minutes. The football was slick and attractive to watch, but unfortunately we just couldn’t find that final touch. With Paul Smith in the Forest goal having yet another blinder – a la last season at the same venue it simply wasn’t going to be our day.

My after match thought was that we’d dropped two points, but the performance augurs well for the rest of the season and with 44 games to go, I’m not bothered about our league position or points tally just yet.

A couple of other points about today, in no particular order:

• The players were WELL up for it and the disappointment at the end of the game was very evident – which is the opposite of last year under KJ;
• Ferrie Bodde looks like someone who could easily play at a higher level;
• The Forest away following of 900 odd was very poor (by their standards) and not very vocal compared to previous seasons;
• Angel Rangel is a class act for an alleged 3rd division Spanish player;
• Grant Holt (Forest no.10) would be a far better player if he spent as much time on his feet as his he did on his arse and probably wouldn’t be out of breath as much if he cut of the backchat. Thank God we didn’t sign him!
• It was great to see Garry Monk back in action and I realised just how much we’d missed him;
• The match programme (in content terms) has improved yet again – although the quality of the paper and colour used appears to be lower;
• Moment of the game – Dorus De Vries dropping his shoulder and ploughing into the aforementioned sack of spuds Holt;

Away from the footy, the Mrs and DDWT Junior spent their afternoon cooking up some scrumpious homemade cookies – which I had the pleasure of devouring (with several cups of filtered coffee) on my return from the game.

After a week in work which I’d officially call bonkers, I decided to work from home today in an attempt to free myself from office visitors and phonecalls. Having not worked from home for quite some time, I could immediately see why it is becoming increasingly more popular.

Not only did I get more done, but I had the freedom and peace to do it – so both my employer and I benefit. With the advent of high-speed broaband connections (8MB in my case) and VPN remote access, the need for me to be on-site is ever decreasing, in my line of work anyway (web development).

So after a hard day’s work at the home office (sounds posh that doesn’t it), we decided to get 2 large stuffed crust pizza’s (meat feast and hawaiian) from the Pizza Hut in Fforestfach. One thing that struck me though – being a pizza hut regular – is that the best Pizza Hut in these parts is the one on the Morfa retail park by the liberty stadium. There is a noticeable difference in the quality of the pizza’s there compared to Fforestfach. Me thinks the chef in Fforestfach likes lashings of tomato puree on the pizza!

Pizza time in the house of DDWT is also movie time, so we all (apart from DDWT Junior who was fast asleep in bed) settled down to watch ‘RV: Runaway Vacation‘ starring that loon Robin Williams. After a slow start it begins to pick up (a bit like the RV in the film actually) and at times had us laughing so much we had tears rolling down our eyes. Not one of Williams’ best movies, but a decent enough laugh.