Mutterings for the Minority

For the second time this month, I saw myself heading off to the big smoke to see my beloved Swans take on another premier league giant – this time in the shape of the multi-national, multi-million pound stars of Chelsea.  They’re quite a bit like Manchester City really, only poorer.

The trip took on all the more significance as I was accompanied by Loughor’s very own answer to Bear Grylls – Plastic Jack – whom was making his Swans away game debut.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt travelling to lots of Swans away games, it’s that leaving early is always a good idea. As a result, we were on the road by 07:30 and made speedy progress along the M4 to our tube station destination (try saying that after a few beverages) of Hounslow West – which is just off junction 3 of the M4.

In fact, I’d recommend catching the tube from Hounslow West for ANY game in London (especially if you’re coming along the M4) as it’s free to park there and costs just £8 for unlimited day travel on the underground between zones 1-5, which pretty much covers all the London based teams.

Here is Plastic Jack posing in his one and only Swans jersey at the tube station.

Once aboard the tube we headed for Earls Court, where we were meeting Director Jack (of Alex Jones’ ballet fame) and Teacher Jack (who was really an egg chaser in disguise).

Walking down Earls Court Road (just like the old Swans song – minus the Mumbles of course) we came across Penywern Road and just for a micro-second, we thought we were in Ystalyfera… until we noticed the abundance of grand houses.  Right that’s enough of the geography, moving on swiftly…

We all met up in a pub called the Courtfield which is pretty much opposite the tube station and was already rather busy with Chelsea fans by the time we got there at 11:30.  It was a decent enough place – if a bit dark and dingy – but the welcome was good with no bother whatsoever.  It was rather amusing however to see the bemused looks from the locals as we proceeded to speak to each other in Welsh – with the odd bit of English here and there.

It was also at this point that I realised that Plastic Jack and Teacher Jack really needed to go and get a room together – such was the intensity and passion with which they spoke about the Scarlets and Welsh rugby in general.  Now although I’m an ex-rugby player myself, I did find all this talk a bit weird, given that this was after all a football away day!

As noon approached we headed off to the Kings Head pub where we’d arranged to meet a larger group of TwitterJacks (whom are Swansea City fans on Twitter for those of you not in the know) for some pre-match food and conversation. It was good to see the Oxford Jacks once again and to finally get to meet Windsor Jack – although I did find his story about Fatima Whitbread’s sexiness rather disturbing to say the least!

I’d been warned that the barman at the Kings Head was of Cardiff origin, but unfortunately such facts couldn’t be substantiated on the day.  However, judging by the paltry, wafer thin, dried edge, piece of ham served with my egg and chips (costing £6.95) I suspect he might well have been exacting a wee bit of revenge. Bless it must be hard supporting a lower league football team

By 14:15 we were on our way to the game and opted against catching the tube to Fulham Broadway in favour of a walk on what was bizarrely a surprisingly warm and sunny September day. We made the 20 minute walk to the ground without any bother – despite passing a couple of “spotters” – and were soon queueing to get into the shed!

After being searched no less than 4 times, we made our way to the inner concourse and I can see why it’s called the ‘Shed End’.  Space wasn’t at a premium (unlike Arsenal) and you can see that Stamford Bridge is a ground that has been built up over the years as the club has grown, or rather as the bank balance has.

It was also nice to see a collection being made outside the ground for the Swansea Valley Miners Appeal Fund, as well as Chelsea donating the monies from their match day raffle and offering to double to the amount raised.  A nice gesture indeed from a club whose reputation is probably more associated with the infamous ‘Chelsea Headhunters’ of the 1970′s than being a club of goodwill and respect.  Da iawn.

So what of the game, well I’ll summarise my observations in the form of bullet points – as is the norm for me nowadays – rather than re-iterate what you can read elsewhere in terms of a full match report.

• As has been the case with all 6 PL games to date, we started off well and didn’t appear overawed by the stature of our opponents – which is always a good thing.  In fact Chelsea appeared somewhat rattled by the lack of ‘respect’ – for want of a better word – that we showed them;
• It was also quite noticeable that until the Torres goal, we’d restricted Chelsea to long range efforts on goal and crazy as it sounds in a 4-1 defeat, I’ve seen us play a heck of a lot worse defensively than that;
• That said, at least 2 of the Chelsea goals were sloppy in my opinion and I felt that Vorm wasn’t as quick to react as he had been in previous games. That said, he did make a couple of other good saves though;
• The Torres tackle was shocking and I shudder to think what state would have been on Mark Gower’s leg/ankle if he had made full contact with his 2 footed raised feet challenge!
• We created several good goal scoring opportunities but a lack of cutting edge and luck once again haunts us in front of goal – especially away from home;
• The video I have of one of these unlucky chances (Nathan Dyer hitting the crossbar) can’t be shared with you right now, as YouTube and the Premier League have issued me with a copyright infringement warning!! I’ll tell you more about that later in the week;
• The Swans fans reaction to Ashley Williams’ goal spoke volumes about how passionate we are about the club and indeed about how realistic the majority are about our PL journey (i.e. just enjoy every single minute);

• Overall we simply couldn’t compete for the full 90 minutes with the pace, power and overall class of the expensively assembled Chelsea team;
• My picks for the Swans were Leon Britton, Garry Monk and Mark Gower – with decent contributions from Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer;
• I’m still not convinced by Lita or Routledge.  Lita seemed well off the pace (unlike last weekend) and I can’t help but feel that Routledge’s heart simply isn’t in wearing a Swans shirt.  Both of which were in stark contrast to Danny Graham, who came on and seemed prepared to run through a brick wall, such was his work rate and enthusiasm. We need players like that if we’re going to do well this season;
• The chants of “Swansea Reject” and “You Jack Bast*rd” at Frank Lampard whilst he was warming up were quality and even he managed to have a chuckle at them;
• The 3,100+ Jacks were once again in fine voice, with the “You’re only here to watch the Swans” chant appearing to amuse the locals somewhat;
• Thankfully – in terms of noise – Stamford Bridge wasn’t a library, but perhaps more akin of a kindergarten.  I find this rather odd – but suspect it’s the norm for numerous reasons up and down the country (for reasons I won’t go into here!);
• The stewarding was far from friendly and in some causes bordered on harassment – even to the extent of ushering us out after the game – despite there still being long queues! There were also issues because of the language barrier in some cases;
• Seeing Petr Cech ask Scott Sinclair for his jersey was rather a strange sight.  Even Scotty was taken aback and pointed to Michel Vorm as if to say you want to swap goalkeepers jerseys? Cech’s response was to once again point at Sinclair… they duly swapped shirts.  To date, it has always been the other way around!

After the final whistle blew, I took comfort in the fact that we’d acquitted ourselves relatively well and scored our first away goal in the premier league. The fact is we’d simply been outdone by a classy top 4 outfit and there was certainly no shame in that.

Upon leaving the ground, we encountered our one and only bit of confrontational banter with a couple of Chelsea “fans” whom were visibly inebriated/high as kites.  We later learned that these two beauties and their accompanying “well fit birds” (NOT) hailed from Devon or rather the Chelsea supporters club from that area.

After the initial (and oh-so predictable) anti-Welsh comments, we then had the laughable… “We’re from Exeter, you know them, you Swans were playing them only a few seasons ago, remember? Only 90 minutes away from non-league remember? You’ll be playing them again soon!”.  Now as much as this got under my skin and I was tempted to give some verbal retort, I decided that it simply wasn’t worth the bother.  After all, they probably couldn’t read and they couldn’t write, but apparently they could drive a tractor!?

It also begged the question of course as to why they weren’t supporting Exeter City and not Chelsea, but heck we know the answer to that don’t we.  Bloody plastics

The remainder of our walk – including a short cut through the vast yet overgrown Brompton cemetery – was pleasant and we were stopped outside several pubs (the Imperial and Prince of Wales being two which I remember) by Chelsea fans wanting to have a friendly natter, offer of a pint or two and a farewell hand-shake (not that sort!) before moving on.

All the Chelsea fans we met were generally complimentary about our style of play, Nathan Dyer, Angel Rangel, how noisy the Swansea fans were and the predictable – yet condescending - “we hope you’ve enjoyed your day out”.

We duly arrived at West Brompton tube station and proceeded to board the next tube to Earls Court in order to change for the final leg of our tube journey to Hounslow.  Trust us then to find the one tube full of stone island clad Swans fans with the 10+ British Transport Police officers in tow.  All I can say is I bet the train journey from Paddington must have been an interesting one!

After queuing for a short space of time, we were on our way to Hounslow and the M4 was beckoning by 18:30.  Whilst at Hounslow tube station, we did our good deed for the day and gave our unlimited day travel passes to two unsuspecting ladies queuing to get their tickets. Despite us not speaking Polish, they were happy and so were we.

The journey home was rather eventful! We almost ran out of fuel and thankfully we just made it to Magor services in time.  Although it was at the services we were encountered some rather strange people whom thought it hilarious to play football in the gents toilets – complete with imaginary ball, sliding tackles and Gordon Banks’ heroics.  Messy and bizarre.

Fair play to Plastic Jack for being our driver for the day, he did a splendid job and I was back home by 21:30.  So all in all it was another enjoyable and eventful away day with the Swans and my Scarlets loving, egg chasing, Plastic Jack friend appears to have now caught the away day bug too.

I do wish he’d stop calling it “soccer” though…

With the original British Heart Foundation 2011 South Wales Bike Ride postponed in July due to the Fforestfach factory fire, it was good to get the green light for the event this time around.

Until this year, the charity ride was known as the British Heart Foundation Gower Bike Ride – I don’t know why it changed – but judging by the numbers involved today it seemed as popular as ever. It’s just a shame the atrocious weather couldn’t have been more accommodating, but I guess that’s the risk you take with a bike ride in mid-September.

The other (welcome) change was the addition of a 50 mile route to this year’s event, which in combination with the 29 and 16 mile route options meant that all cycling needs and abilities were catered for.

This was my 4th BHF bike ride in these parts and I simply couldn’t resist the challenge offered by the 50 mile route. Here is an overlay of the course as recorded by my Garmin:

Basically in order to ‘fit in’ the 50 miles, the route continued along Carmarthen road, through Penllergaer, Pontlliw, Pontardulais, Llanedi, Fforest before looping back through Pontardulais and then onto Grovesend, Gorseinon and Llwchwr before joining the 29 mile route in Gowerton.

As I’d expected – and been told by far more experienced cyclists – this route ‘extension’ wasn’t very forgiving and there were plenty of challenging climbs along the way! The elevation chart below illustrates this perfectly

Whilst it was certainly a challenge, I think the driving wind and rain for the majority of the first 20 odd miles made things far more difficult than perhaps they would have been otherwise. Although having said that, the thought of doing it in July amidst a 25°C plus temperature isn’t exactly ideal either!

I was fortunate enough to escape having a puncture – although I saw plenty who did – but my achilles heel was certainly my continued acquaintance with my cleats! Twice I managed to fall off before even reaching the halfway mark of the route.

The first time was at a set of traffic lights in Gorseinon. I successfully stopped and got my left foot out of the pedal… however, whilst adjusting myself – or rather my shorts – I lost balance and slowly (gracefully?) fell over to my right. Thankfully, the lights had only just changed – so apologies to the blonde lady driving a silver Mazda, I really wasn’t attempting to land on your car bonnet!

The second time was through mechanical failure – honestly. Whilst climbing up Ystrad road towards the B4295 going through Gowerton, I managed to jump gears and my chain came off… the next thing I was in the hedge, well brambles to be precise. Now I was nursing two sore buttocks, dented pride and had a chain to fix

During my downtime fixing the chain, at least half a dozen or so riders whom passed by, offered their assistance or asked if I was ok. Thanks to each and every one of you – it was a nice gesture and shows that there are decent, genuine people out there after all (which isn’t always the case at sporting events such as this).

I’m glad to say the rest of the ride passed without incident and the only items of interest worth mentioning were the fact that the showers began to become less frequent and some guy doing the 29 mile course on a unicycle! Fair play that must take some doing – especially giving the conditions and amount of climbing – respect to you whomever you are.

After all the climbing, it was a welcome (and speedy) descent down Mayals road and it was time to go flat out along Mumbles road with one eye on the clock and the other on the finishing line in the Recreation ground next door to St. Helens.

According to my Garmin, I covered 51.20 miles in 3 hours 47 minutes, averaging 13.5 mph with a top speed of 36.8 mph (probably down Mayals road!) and burnt 4,088 calories in the process.

I was relatively pleased with my time – the fastest I have ever done 50 miles – but no doubt I will pay for it tomorrow… especially if my butt cheeks are anything to go by!

Unfortunately, I have to round off my blog on a sour note. Without wanting to sound as though I’m… (a) a miserable 40 year old git or (b) a do-gooder, I do find it extremely stupid, annoying and contradictory that some people taking part in the event, see the need to stop at various pubs along the 29 mile route to have an alcoholic drink.

Apart from it being dangerous – you are after all in control (allegedly) of a mode of transport on a public highway – it kind of flies in the face of raising money for the British Heart Foundation don’t you think?

Yes I thought that might grab your attention! Now I’ve got your attention, please read on to find out how you could win yourself a box containing 12 of the legendary and multi-awarding winning Gower Cottage Brownies.

Anyone whom has ever tasted these chocolate brownies wouldn’t have failed to be impressed by their soft, lovely chocolatey taste, which (for me) kept me wanting more and more! In fact I ended up eating 7 of them in one sitting…OINK OINK.

If the chocolate variety doesn’t tickle your tastebuds, then there are lots of other brownies to try out – dairy free, gluten free, brownies with walnuts and brownies with hazelnuts. A kind of heaven for brownie groupies I guess.

Even if you’re not a chocoholic like me, they’d make a lovely gift for the cake lover in anyone (especially on Mother’s Day). The stunning packaging makes for an impressive first impression on anyone who’s fortunate enough to receive a box of them as a gift (just ask my wife!).

So what do you have to do to be in with a chance of winning the box? Well it’s quite simple really, all you have to do is vote for Gower Cottage Brownies in the Smarta 100 Awards.

Everyone who casts a vote will be entered into the hat for the prize draw, which will take place on Saturday, October 1st 2011 at 8pm. The winner will be announced on Facebook and Twitter!

You’ll need to be quick though as you’ve only got until Tuesday, September 20th to vote… so what are you waiting for!

You can further increase your chances of winning by Please RT” title=”Click to send this page to Twitter!” target=”_blank”>sharing this article on Twitter.

You know what they say… if you’re not in it, then you can’t win it

Good luck to everyone!

Yes you did read the title right, the Gunners versus the Swans in the Premier League. Who’d have thought eh!?  It was 1983 when these two sides last met in the league – and that was in the old First Division – the top flight of that era.

For me personally, this was THE game that the Premier League penny finally dropped and I realised how far the Swans had actually come in such a short space of time.

The excitement had been building all week and 7am on Saturday morning couldn’t come quick enough.  So when Conker Jack picked me up in his yellow Nissan Micra (aka the Noddymobile) our first ever trip to the Emirates Stadium was underway.

After a quick stop at Esporta – where we met our chauffer for the day – Teacher Jack and her male assistant Muffin Jack – we headed off to Cardiff in search of our last companion Producer Jack.  We didn’t have a flag with us this time around, otherwise we’d have probably stopped outside Cardiff City stadium again

Before I start talking football, it’s worth giving you the lowdown on the aforementioned people for various reasons…

• Director Jack for example has inside information on Alex Jones and her Strictly Come Dancing appearance (based on the fact they did ballet together);
• La très belle Teacher Jack was Aaron Ramsey’s old French teacher.  Perhap’s it is little wonder that he joined Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal then – “Bienvenue mon garçon”.  Such irony on a day like this;
• Muffin Jack claims that he knew all about Lisa Roger’s having sex on THE Mastermind chair long before the story broke in the Daily Mirror a few years back. He also claims that the said chair was very “comfortable, yet quite slippery and squeaky”. We didn’t establish how he knew such facts!

After leaving Wales’ only championship football club city, we made great time and duly arrived in the north London suburb of Cockfosters – allegedly named after a lager drinking Australian – at around 11:30am.

Given the traffic chaos that is synonymous with London, we’d decided that taking the tube to Arsenal on the Piccadilly line was our easiest and quickest option.  Ten minutes later and £8 lighter in the pocket and we were on our way to Arsenal – some 20 minutes or so away.

Upon leaving the Arsenal tube station we were immediately faced with a barrage of independent merchandise and food stalls – which felt a little bit like a throwback to the 70′s and 80′s football.  Quite nostalgic to say the least.

I did however find the sale of dated Arsenal v Swansea ‘split’ scarfs (£10 each) rather patronising.  We were after all two Premier League teams playing each other on merit and who’s to say that we both still won’t be PL teams come May 2012.   Cup final, play-off final, European scarfs are one thing but this, well enough said.

Now with my Alan Sugar hat on, I did wonder/consider whether or not the majority of these street stalls – which were incidentally setup inside most of the front gardens of the terraced houses – were indeed the occupants running a doorstep business!!  Given the potential footfall of even a fraction of the 60,000+ crowd every other weekend, that’s quite a bloody marvellous business opportunity.  So does anyone in Landore want to rent their front garden out to me?

A brisk 5 minute walk from the tube station and you begin to see the enormity of the Emirates Stadium complex. From the large club shop, multiple box offices and museum to the long and wide footbridges leading right up to the stadium itself.  It really makes you realise the gulf between the Premier League’s top teams and the rest – perhaps more off the field than on it.  Rumour has it that on any Premier League match day, Arsenal make in the region of £1million. That just goes to illustrate the divide between the princes and paupers of this league.

Whilst wondering around the stadium taking pictures and admiring the historical murials of Arsenal legends past and present, we came across of a couple of officers from South Wales Police, whom comically were also taking photos of each other outside the stadium!  When asked if they wanted one together, they declined and quickly made off… but not before mentioning that “we’re on tour as well you know”.  Classic.

After getting all our photographic mementos for the day, we headed off to the Drayton Park pub - which is the designated pub for away fans – for some light liquid refreshment.  It is conveniently located across the road from the away end at the Emirates.  It wasn’t long before the queues started to form outside and ‘Hymns and Arias’ was being belted out inside.

It was also at this point that we became aware of some German Jacks!  They were boisterous to say the least and one couldn’t escape the irony of them singing “always sheet on da ingerleash side of da bridge”.  Still it raised a smile or two for both Swans and Gunners fans alike.

The Gerhard Tremmel fanclub had also taken a shine to Teacher Jack – something to do with ‘ze French aczent‘ no doubt – but alas they were thwarted in their amorous attempts by our resident night in shining armour Muffin Jack.

Vocal cords lubricated, we headed off to the famous (in Highbury times anyway) Clock End where the away fans are housed in the Emirates stadium.  The famous clock itself now forms part of the new stadium.

Talking of clocks, anyone know who nicked/borrowed/stores the Vetch Field clock? It could have been moved to the Liberty FFS…

We were impressed by the sheer enormity of the place – let alone the padded seats.  Yes that’s right, every single seat in the stadium is padded back and bottom.  Just a shame I didn’t spend much time sat on it really! They even had 1 foot long hot dogs on sale for the princely sum of £5 and although I didn’t indulge, I swear the girth on my little finger was more than that of the hot dog.

All jokes food and otherwise aside, whilst Manchester City’s Etihad stadium was impressive, this was something on a totally different level.

As for the game well, there is little point in me renacting every ooowww and aaahhh (or even arghh!) as that has been done elsewhere, but I will do my customary bullet point summary.

• I did think ‘OMG we could get spanked here’ on several occasions during the first 15 minutes or so, thus was the ease that Arsenal prized us open/took advantage of our wayward passes;
• Once we settled, we began to take control of the game with Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer in particular tormenting the Arsenal defence;
• Whilst Angel played ok, IMO he still gives his opponent too much space and is often caught out of position;
• The Arsenal goal was simply one of those 1-in-a-million type howlers – no more, no less but I think what made it hurt all the more was the fact that, at that point we were dominating the game;
• I still think we haven’t got the right balance in midfield, but it was a clever ploy to pick Joe Allen for the Aaron Ramsey tussle, given that fact that he was overlooked in midfield for Wales in midweek;
• Danny Graham, grafted hard (as always) and really needs just a wee bit of luck in front of goal to open his account. Oh so close with his 3 chances today.  Keep the faith;
• Ashley Williams and in particular Steven Caulker were solid and abrasive at the back – with the latter making a cracking goal-line clearance;
• Neil Taylor was my man of the match as apart from two occasions he had Theo Walcott in his back pocket all game (as he had Stewart Downing 4 days earlier at Wembley);
• Ashley William’s positive, reassuring reaction to both Michel Vorm and Danny Graham after their ‘howlers’ was testament to the team spirit at the Swans and it was great to see;
• Even discounting the Stuart Attwell factor, I can see why Arsenal pick up so many red cards – niggly, late, off-the-ball challenges.  Not quite at a Leeds standard, but getting there;
• Arsene Wenger doing the half-time programme draw (obviously pre-recorded) on the giant video screen was comical – purely because you never ever see him wearing such a cheesy grin.  It was so out of character!
• The 3,000+ Swans fans were in fine voice (as usual), but I still don’t get it why some people feel the need to go in full fancy dress or sing “same old English always cheating” for that matter.
• There’s nowt to say about the Gooners support really.  It was however extremely interesting to note the number of multi-national fans that attend their games.  Perhaps this is why they’re so quiet?;

Here are a couple of video’s I took at the game – Scotty Sinclair’s woodwork rattling free-kick and Danny Graham’s Earnshaw-esque miss in the dying minutes…

Gutted, proud, disappointed, frustrated, surprised were all words I muttered to myself after the final whistle.  I still can’t quite believe that we (a) more than matched our so called more illustrious opponents and (b) we didn’t get at least a point.  The reaction of fans and players (of both sides) at the end of the game seemed to further enhance this view.

The time spent leaving the stadium and queueing for the tube back to Cockfosters did little to quench our sense of disbelief that we hadn’t got at least a point from the game.  I always find it amusing that the majority of other teams fans seem content to say that their team “played shit” rather than “you stopped us playing/you played well” - but I forget we’re only little old Swansea from the wild west of Wales.

By 18:30 we were on our way home and tucking into our burgeoning lunchboxes – having eaten Muffin Jack’s supply of sausage/bacon baps, grapes and muffins on the way up. Needing fuel and a caffeine fix, we duly stopped at Reading services and we greeted by lots of noisy, excitable Jacks – which is normal I hasten to add – but this commotion was purely because the Swans team bus had also stopped there.

Seeing Neil Taylor wandering into the services, I simply had to ask him the one question that was on everyone’s lips – “Have you decided to let Theo out of your pocket yet?”… his response, was a chuckled reply of “Yes, I think so”. *Alan Curtis declined to comment when I put it to him that “You really should be on twitter now Alan, it’s the way forward”.

Soon we were on our travel’s once again and after dropping off Producer Jack in Cardiff, we were back at the Esporta just gone 22:15 and in time to see the Swans bus arrive and drop the players off.

Conker Jack won’t thank me for telling you all this, but whilst departing the car park, he almost took out Kemy Augustien, Neil Taylor and the little physio in his Noddymobile.  In fairness to him though, perhaps the next training ground exercise for the Swans should be based on ‘How not to cross the road from in-front of a parked bus’!

Home safe and sound, it was time for another coffee and watch the highlights of the game on Match of the Day, whilst still contemplating how we hadn’t got the positive result our performance deserved.

So all in all – result aside – it was a memorable day and one which will live long in my memory for lots of reasons.  But I suppose the one comment that’ll stick in my mind was this one from the Match of the Day commentator Steve Wilson – “If it wasn’t for the Swansea fans it’d be quieter than Islington library in here”.

I’m proud to be a Swan.

*I made that bit up sorry!