Mutterings for the Minority

For many Swans fans the visit to Anfield was the first game they looked for when the Premier League fixures were released back in July, after all it had been 28 years since the sides last met in the league.  We’ll forget about the 8 nil FA Cup drubbing in 1990!

Little wonder then that given the history between the clubs – due to the Toshack era – today’s game meant divided loyalties for many Swans fans old enough to remember the historic rise through the divisions in the late 70′s and early 80′s.

But regardless of any Liverpool v Swansea history, a visit to Anfield – for the vast majority of football fans – invokes thoughts of what many consider the home of football, the Kop end, the famous ‘Anfield Roar‘ and of course the pre kick-off  rendition of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’.

So when we left Swansea at 07:15 this morning, there was plenty to mull over as we contemplated the day ahead.

This was my 4th away game of the season thus far, but my companion for the day Polka Dot Jack – who incidentally is more famous for his Cardiff City Messageboard appearance than his L’Etape Du Tour exploits – was making his debut Premier League away appearance.

We opted to take the 165 mile scenic route through mid Wales on what was a beautiful winter’s morning.

The early morning view over the Towy valley from the Black Mountains was stunning, with the mist passing itself off as giant reservoirs of water.

We did “joke” about whether or not additional dams had been built to enhance the existing water supply to Liverpool and the rest of north west!

The remainder of our meandering journey through the picturesque countryside passed off with little other items of interest, bar the steady stream of Swans fans cars and vans which were seemingly in convoy with us.

Having made good time, we duly arrived in Liverpool at around 11:20am and proceeded to find some suitable parking near to Anfield.  Now being an organised so-and-so and not someone whom likes leaving things to chance, I’d done my internet research and managed to locate a match day car park on the corner of Utting Avenue and Priory Road – a 5 minute walk from Anfield.  Nearby was Stanley Park, which is worth a walk through if only to appreciate the stark contrast between the green belt and the row upon row of terraced houses that surround Anfield.

I must confess – given Liverpool’s legendary association with car crime – that upon arrival at the car park, the distinct lack of cars but plethora of large vans/trucks was a little unnerving.  This feeling wasn’t helped by a rather shifty gentleman collecting the £10 parking fee, putting it in his back pocket and immediately saying – “the gates close at 6pm” before scooting off quickly in the direction of his equally shifty colleagues.

However, the arrival of more cars in a short space of time, settled any nerves we had about leaving it there and we headed off to Anfield to see (and take pictures of) the legendary football landmarks.

Entry to the world renowned Kop end is made through the ‘Paisley Gateway’, which is named after the Liverpool legend of almost 50 years – Bob Paisley.  I couldn’t help but think the Kop stand would be bigger – but I thought I’d reserve full judgement until inside the stadium.

The Paisley Gateway

Also behind these gates, the statue of another Liverpool legend can be found - Bill Shankly.  It’s worth mentioning at this point, that if you want to get a good picture then I suggest you get there early – otherwise the chances are you’ll have to share the picture with someone else!!

Statue of Bill Shankly outside Anfield

This part of the ground is also home to the club shop and I wasted no time in having a wonder around – mainly to satisfy my product marketing desires than anything else.  Two things immediately struck me about the shop – it’s size and it’s vast selection of Liverpool merchandise.

I sincerely hope that someone from the Swan’s marketing department ventured in to have a look as well, as there is little doubt in my mind that they could have learnt a thing or two.

Whether it be the club branded products available – such as  ’pink’ football scarves for the ladies to hatchet tool covers for the fellas – or something as simple as personal shop assistants on match days.  They even had underwear, kitchen utensils and condoms!!  It’s all additional (and welcome) income for the club.  Anyway, time to get off my soapbox

After devouring a chicken & mushroom pie with chips and lashings of gravy from the Sing Fong takeaway (opposite the Kop), it was time to venture around to the away end and see the famous ‘Shankly gates’.

The pie is worth an additional mention as it had obviously been microwaved numerous times before I purchased it.  I swear that if I’d been inclined to throw it anywhere other than the bin (which is where it ended up!) it could have seriously maimed somebody/something.

Shankly Gates at Anfield

Alongside the gates is the Hillsborough memorial – complete with a single burning flame inside – which was built in memory of the 96 people whom tragically lost their lives in the disaster.

Hillsborough Memorial

The memorial also appear to be the spot where Liverpool fans placed wreaths for the passing of recent loved ones.  It was a very touching and sobering experience.

Whilst walking around the ground taking in all of the history and folklore associated with Liverpool football club, you couldn’t help but feel that it was also a day when we ourselves became part of that history as fans of Premier League newcomers Swansea City.  We were if you like – for today at least – on a par with this world famous football club.

It was also good to mingle with the Liverpool fans without any hassle whatsoever with some even stopping to have a chat.  Although it must be said that this “chat” usually ended with them asking either “Can you spare us a pound mate?” or “Would you like to buy some pin badges?” – the scousers certainly aren’t backwards in coming forward!

On the subject of souvenirs, there were the usual and seemingly customary scarf/t-shirt selling stalls around the ground, which one again were selling the 50/50 split scarves.

Whilst I’ve found this somewhat insulting previously, I was heartened to notice that there were Liverpool v Sunderland ‘split’ scarves from earlier this season on sale.  Maybe it isn’t just the promoted teams that get the scarf memorabilia treatment then!

On the subject of the stalls, here is just one of the many t-shirts available for purchase!

Everton T-Shirt

One other thing that you notice immediately once you’re in the vicinity of the ground is the large number of ticket touts loitering around asking anyone and everyone if they have any “spares”.

Now when you’re walking around the stadium as much as we did, this does become increasingly annoying and grating (the latter due to the scouse accent!) – especially when the same touts keep asking you the same bloody question.

If I did have a spare ticket, I certainly wouldn’t sell it to a tout – although I’d happily sell it at face value to a fellow Swansea fan.

In keeping with the theme of soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying every minute of the day, we opted to get into the ground as soon as the gates opened at 13:30.

It’s seems that (pardon the pun) the red carpet had been laid out for the Swansea fans, as the welcome signs were not just outside the ground but inside as well!

I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen this at any other Swans game I have been too.  I don’t know if this is customary for all away fans or not, but it was a nice touch all the same.

Once inside Anfield, I couldn’t help but think how different it looked to as it appears on TV – as has been the case with all of the Premier League grounds  (bar Arsenal) I’ve been to so far I hasten to add.

Centenary Stand at Anfield

Anfield isn’t as big as it appears and you can tell it’s an old school ground which has been modernised – with the lack of space (legroom) between seats and the large stand supporting pillars being the biggest giveaways.  That said, we were looking forward to the famous ‘Anfield Atmosphere’ with the 2,000 or so Swans fans adding to the mix.

With kick-off fast approaching and the away end bouyed by the appearance of Lee Trundle, Alan Tate, Kristian O’Leary and Jon Coates amongst us fans – there was a strong sense of belief that we could get something from the game, despite the majority of pundits writing us off (as is the norm these days).

After an impeccably observed minutes silence for the servicemen and women whom had lost their lives fighting for our country, the Anfield tannoy started to blast out the Livepool anthem – “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.  Outnumbered but certainly not overawed, the Jack Army proceeded to belt out “Hymns and Arias” as a retort.

I’ll now give a point by point summary of how I interpreted the 90 minutes…

• Routledge’s selection ahead of Sinclair was somewhat of a surprise (for me) and I could only assume it was down to his greater experience.  Having said that with Sinclair’s pace he would be a useful addition later in the game when legs were tiring;  Routledge did play his best game yet in a Swans jersey though (although I’m still on the fence about his passion/commitment!);
• Much as Rangel is good going forward, from what I’ve seen on previous away games he is targeted by the opposition due to the amount of space he gives his attacker;
• The double marking of Suarez was effective – except when he decided to fall/dive, especially towards the latter stages of the game;
• The Liverpool midfield were simply out-thought and out-played by messrs Allen and Britton, to the extent that they made a change at half-time (Kuyt for Henderson) in order to try and stem the flow – such was our dominance;

• Mark Gower’s chance, what can I say other than he must have seen the “How to strike a ball at goal” by Andrea Orlandi DVD – which incidentally is available for £2.99 in all good supermarkets and some rubbish ones too;
• Defensively I thought we were superb and handled the threat of Carroll and Suarez progressively better as the game went on;
• On the subject of the defence, Neil Taylor has been outstanding thus far this season and as of yet hasn’t received the plaudits he deserves;
• Holland’s number one goalkeeper – Michel Vorm - was once again in fine form and his finger tip save to deny Glen Johnson in the closing minutes typified his season thus far.  What a purchase he was when you consider we were chasing Camp and Stockdale;
• If Carroll is worth £35 million, then what price Joe Allen at the moment?
• In light of the positive comments made about the Swans this season and last by Craig Bellamy, I did find the constant barracking of him yesterday (when warming up and on the pitch) somewhat tedious – especially when it is at the expense of getting behind the Swans.  So what if he’s a Cardiff lad and played for them – who cares!
• Given the recent history of Sian Massey’s decisions in Liverpool games – I suspect she won’t be topping the list of anyone’s Christmas card list in Merseyside! She did get the decision spot on for Kuyt’s goal though in fairness;

Spot the ball

• The noise generated by the Liverpool fans was pitiful and I was genuinely shocked at how quiet they were before and during the game.  What ‘Anfield Roar’!?
• The Jack Army were their usual boisterous selves and as the game unfolded, I think the vast majority of Liverpool fans did indeed think they were “only here to watch the Swans” – such was the quality of football we played;
• On the subject of songs, judging by the broad grin on Kemy ‘BA’ Agustien’s face, I suspect he rather enjoyed the rendition of the A-Team’s theme tune whilst warming up;
• I thought that Phil Dowd had a good game as referee – unlike some we’ve had over recent weeks!
• It was noticeable at the end of the game that NONE of the Swansea players swapped jerseys with their Liverpool counterparts – I wonder why?  Thanks to Bethan who has pointed out that all of the Liverpool shirts were being signed and donated to the Royal British Legion after the game;
• The standing ovation the team got by the Liverpool fans that had stayed behind was a treat worth seeing and rounded off a terrific performance, which could so easily have ended up as a win;

Who would have thought it eh, our first game at Anfield in the Premier League and we keep a clean sheet – the first time ANY Swansea team has managed to do that in a league game.

We sat waiting for the crowds to disperse reflecting on what had just unfolded in front of our eyes.  A magnificent team performance, playing football which at times had the mighty Liverpool chasing shadows.  Quite frankly it’s hard to believe.

The Kop

But there in itself lies the key I suppose – belief.  Brendan Roger’s often uses the word and as each game passes in the Premier League the ‘belief’ of the players becomes increasingly more evident for us all to see.  I suppose I’m as guilty as the next Swans fan in actually believing we can and will take points off the top 6 in the Premier League.

After a short 10 minute walk amongst jubilant Swans fans - interspersed with glum Liverpool fans - back to the car (which was still there thankfully complete with radio, wheel trims and wheels),  we were on our way home.

The car was a bit sluggish on starting though, probably due to the extra weight of carrying our ‘point’ in the boot

The journey home consisted of fantasising about the Swans result, whilst at the same time getting agitated at the phone call inducing habits of Stan Collymore on TalkSport, by spouting such classics as “So what!” in response to the Swans result.  Tit.

A relatively clear drive home meant that we were back by 21:45 having enjoyed a great day out and having the pleasure of saying “I was there”.  All that was left to do then was grab a coffee, relax and enjoy Match of the Day.

Unsurprisingly we were on last (due to lack of goals perhaps?) but I don’t really care how much media coverage we get if I’m honest.  It’s kind of nice being unfashionable and unnoticed.

We’ll just get on with the business quietly and efficiently as we always do.  After all, we’re only 10th in the Premier League.

Eamesy - Probably the Best Kitman in the Premier League

In a world where the Barclays Premier League is a haven for multi-million pound footballers and household names such as Rooney, Drogba, Van Persie and Tate, little (if any) mention is given to the behind the scenes heroes at every club – the kitman or kitlady.

So step forward Michael Eames, not only Swansea City’s kitman but the best kitman in the Premier League by a football pitch or two.

Contrary to what many people think – ‘Eamesy’ as he’s known to everyone at the club – has been in the Swansea City family since the tender age of 8.

Initially plying his trade as a goalkeeper with the Swans junior teams, he later became a free-scoring centre midfielder, which caught the attention of Welsh Premiership side Llanelli.

However, after a season long spell at Llanelli things hadn’t worked out as he’d hoped and at the age of 14, Michael returned to the Swans before eventually moving into coaching through the club’s Football in the Community scheme.

During the summer of 2011, he had an offer to become assistant kitman (or rather kitlady) which was too good to refuse, and he jumped at the chance to work alongside his Mam – Suzanne – in the Swans backroom team.

Nowadays, when not helping with the Swansea team kit, he can be found playing the odd game of football for Swansea local league side Brunswick United – whom he played for in last year’s West Wales Cup Final.

I caught up with ‘Eamesy’ at Swansea’s training ground in Llandarcy and asked him a few questions about his job and some other bits and bobs…

Q1: How and when did you start being a kitman with the Swans?

Well, the adventure began really with the pre-season tour to Austria when my Mam and I had to drive the kit bus all the way over there.

Unfortunately we arrived too late at the hotel complex where the team were staying and ended up sleeping in the van!  I did the gentlemanly thing though and let my Mam sleep in the front seats, whilst I slept on the kitbags in the back!  Everyone else thought this was hilarious… apart from us.

Austria was also the venue for Michael’s Swans initiation, which took place in a hilltop restaurant high in the snow capped Austria mountains.  The initiation involves standing on a chair and singing a song of your choice – the start of which is signalled by the senior players chiming their glasses with cutlery before allowing the victim to proceed with their ‘number’.

Every time we went for something to eat, all of us new guys kept thinking – “is it going to be me today” and when the chiming started up this mountain, I knew it was my turn!

I sang Oasis’ ’Wonderwall’ and gave it everything.  I think I got a good reception, but to be fair it’s usually the guys who can’t sing that are the most entertaining… as they get the mickey taking out of them the most!

Q2: What’s a typical day in the life of a kit man/lady?

Basically for a normal week, like when there’s a game on a Saturday, I come down to Llandarcy by around 8am – having picked up all the clean kit, etc at the stadium first.

I then have to ensure that all the training kit (shirts, boots, shin pads, hats, gloves, tracksuits, etc) is ready for the players for the start of training at around 10:30am.

As my Mam stays at the stadium to do her daily tasks, she usually phones me a couple of times just to make sure everything is ok and that I haven’t forgotten anything!

I then hang about at training helping with bits and bobs  - which includes getting the ball from the undergrowth after some wayward shooting – until after training.  It’s then a case of ensuring that all the kit is then taken back to the stadium for washing, etc ready for the next day.

Still harbouring hopes of a future role in coaching – and getting his coaching badges – Michael uses the ‘downtime’ during training as an opportunity to watch and learn from the club’s coaching staff.

In Swansea, there’s 2 or 3 of us looking after all of the kit and ensuring that everything runs to plan and goes smoothly.  It’s a completely different league to teams like Arsenal or Chelsea, whom have a team of 6-8 kit people working with them all the time.  They even have kit ‘teams’ for home and away games!

On a match day – depending on where we’re playing – we usually drive to the ground about 2-3 hours before kick-off to get the playing kit ready, etc.  If it’s a long drive like say Newcastle or Norwich, then we drive up with or mini-bus the day before.  For places like Wolves, we’d drive up on the morning of the match.  We never fly as it costs to much to fly all the kit!

Q3: What are the things you love and hate about the job?

Oww, that’s a tough one…. as there’s nothing to hate about this job!  I really love everything about it, it’s like living a dream.

I mean, the Swans are my local team – whom I’ve supported all my life.  They’re in the Premier League and I’m doing the kit for Premier League players.  What more can I say!  It’s just amazing and everyday is different.

I suppose the only downside is when I go home… as my Mam still nags me about having done this or having done that!  You don’t tend to get that in a normal day to day job do you, well not unless you’re living with the boss I guess!

Q4: When it comes to the kit, who’s the fussiest Swans player?

In fairness, none of them are fussy as such, they’ve all got their own little routines and because we know them all so well it’s no hassle.  It’s just a case of remembering who likes what really.

Someone like Stephen Dobbie for example, likes to wear a long sleeve under-armour top and will only use white sticky tape. Others like to have a ‘mini’ sock underneath their playing sock in order to get a more snug fit when wearing their playing boots.

Craig Beattie on the other hand will cut out the heal on his socks and use them as extra heal padding.  They’re all different but no hassle in fairness.

The cutting of the socks can be quite annoying though and slightly worrying at times, as you can be left wondering if you’ve got enough whole socks packed!!

Q5: Do kit men have groupies following them around? If so what or who would your ideal groupie look like?

[Laughs] well we’re usually either arrive too early or too late at the ground to see any of the girls that hang about waiting for the players.  Although if there are any still around, we (that’s Eamesy and the sports science lads) make ourselves known to them!

Hmmm, my ideal groupie would definitely be blonde… and there’d be lots of them! And just for the record, I am single at the moment.

So ladies, if you’re interested in getting to know the Premier League’s Best Kitman that wee bit better, you can find him on Twitter at @kitman_swans or on Facebook

Q6: Is the best kit lady in the Premier League going to join Twitter?

I was hoping you’d ask me about this.  My Mam has even told me what to say if I was asked about twitter [laughs].  She doesn’t have a clue when it comes to technology, but she admits she’s jealous of the fan club I’ve built up for myself on Twitter in particular.

As she points out though, she is THE BOSS and I am officially only her assistant, although I am solely responsible for the Swans reserve team kit.

I think she’ll be on twitter soon, but I just might have to help her out a bit…. which could be interesting [said with a mischievious smile].

It’s worth noting the Swan’s very own Danny Graham helped Michael setup his twitter account and showed him the ropes during the early stages.  Michael also jokes about Wayne Routledge having over 49k followers but only managing to ‘recruit’ 40 odd for him!

Michael and Danny Graham

It also turns out that not only is Danny Graham a dab hand at Twitter, but he’s an ace table tennis player as well.  Despite several pretenders to the table tennis throne, no-one as of yet, has managed to beat DG10.

Q7: What makes you the best kit man in the Premier League? 

Wow that’s a tough one.  I suppose a good starting point is that I’m Swansea’s kitman… well only kitMAN in fact, as my Mam is the boss really and she’s the kitLADY [laughs].

I’m also a dab hand at the crossbar challenge having already taken Gerhard Tremmel and Darnel Situ to the cleaners, and they still both owe me as a result!

Gerhard’s meant to buy me a Nandos, but he’s a bit tight like that despite being on Premier League wages.  And as for Darnel, well he’s supposed to sing into his video phone and upload it to YouTube… but I’m still waiting and don’t think I’ll see it to be honest!

However, as you can see from the picture below, Michael did get Darnel to pose with a note stating his claim to crossbar challenge fame.

I reckon I should be on Soccer AM though.  They could do a Premier League kitman crossbar challenge or something like that [laughs]

Seriously though, a lot has got to be said for someone who works for their mother every day – I deserve a medal sometimes – and reckon that’s just one of the reasons why I am probably the best kitman in the Premier League.

Whilst interviewing Michael, I bumped into Ashley Williams and Danny Graham whom both commented on Eamesy’s wonderful kit washing abilities.

Ashley did however request that his kit was warmed up prior to training during the winter months, but I suspect this was more to do with winding Michael up than anything else, especially if Michael’s facial expression was anything to go by!

Before finishing off my interview, Eamesy took me to meet a person whom many people locally claim is the ‘Best groundsman in the Premier League’ – Michael Kayes.

Michael (The Groundsman) was very modest as to this grand title, but took great pride in mowing the pitches to perfection and filling in any nasty divots caused by the players.

I did ask if they were mainly caused by Andrea Orlandi practicing his conversions, but I didn’t get a reply.  I mean, you must have noticed how all his shots always sail way above the bar a la Johnny Wilkinson? Si señor

Shortly afterwards it was time to say farewell and thank Michael (The Kitman) for his time and honesty.

It was refreshing to meet such a down to earth young man whom obviously has a passion for his job and takes great pride in the way he goes about it.

He is obviously a well liked member of the Swans backroom staff and it was evident that he has a good rapport with the players.

So if you’re a Swans fan or simply someone who loves football, then start following the Premier League’s Best Kitman – Michael Eames on Twitter and help spread the word about him being the no. 1 kitman.

You never know, you might even win a prize in one of the many competitions he runs – the current one being a chance to win a pair of Danny Graham’s boots.

With Wales’ chances of qualifying for Euro 2012 extinguished quite some time ago, perhaps the most significant point about this match was that it was the very first senior competitive international to be held at the Liberty Stadium in Swansea.

Switzerland still harboured hopes of qualification – pending other results going their way – whereas for Wales the game was all about building on the win over Montenegro and the encouraging (if undeserved) defeat against England.

On a personal note, this was my son’s very first Wales international game and it’s somewhat bizarre to think that almost 30 years ago today, I too went to watch my very first Wales game at Swansea’s now defunct Vetch Field.

I remember that game for all the wrong reasons, as it was the infamous 1982 World Cup qualifier against Iceland on 14th October 1981, when the floodlights failed and the game was abandoned at 2-2 .  It was also the night the lights went out on our qualifying campaign too!

Fast forward 30 years and here I was explaining to my son about the subtle differences between watching the Swans play and international football – the anthems, the away fans travelling from Europe, the different languages (not dissimilar to the Premier League I know!), qualification for a tournament, play acting, etc.  The majority of which – as you can imagine – flew right over the head of a 7 year old!!

Thankfully the inclusion of Swans’ Ashley Williams, Neil Taylor and Joe Allen in the starting line-up did at least mean he recognised some of the players

Spot the Swans

Prior to kick-off, in my heart I was praying for an exciting game with goals and a Wales win, but my head felt we were more likely to see a drab stalemate between what I felt were two evenly matched sides.

After an impeccably observed minutes silence from the 12,300 odd crowd (take note some West Bromwich Albion fans) - in memory of Mike Dye and the Gleision Miners – the game kicked off with Wales quickly on the front foot.

Regular readers will know that I’m no Henry Winter or Harry Harris and as a result I’ll always leave the match reporting stuff to the professionals.  I will however give my take on what I saw (possibly through rose tinted spectacles I hasten to add).

• The Welsh build up play was excellent but the final pass or movement in the final 3rd was poor and as a result numerous half decent chances were wasted;
• Switzerland seemed content to rely on breaking quickly and attacking at set-peices.  Tactics which I suspect is the reason they don’t score that many goals;
• Wayne Hennessey didn’t have a great deal to do, although I do find him suspect under crosses;
• Craig Bellamy is as exciting as he is frustrating – good one minute, poor the next.  He does some good creative work with the ball creating opportunities for himself/others and yet on other occasions gives the ball away far too easily;
• Ashley Williams and Neil Taylor were excellent in defence and you can see the benefit of them having played in Premier League – even after only a short time.  Confident, classy and experienced;
• Joe Allen did extremely well in his first full start in a Wales senior jersey, although he didn’t have as much foot on the ball time as he is accustomed to due to that role being assumed by skipper Aaron Ramsey.  One sublime trap and swivel on the edge of the penalty area and subsequent pass upfield sticks in my mind though;

Spot the ball

• The 700 or so colourful Switzerland fans were in good – if repetitive – voice until the hour mark (when Wales scored).  I do hope they found their cow(s) eventually as well… although the constant ringing of the bells seemed to indicate that they hadn’t.  They also had a class “Love Swiss Football and Welsh Pubs” banner too;
• Those in the crowd can’t have failed to be impressed by the constant Swiss chanting throughout the game of “Ole“, which actually sounded sort of like “Ashley” - but spoken with a German accent ;-)
• The Welsh fans chanting/singing (if you can call it that) was sporadic to say the least and was mainly undertaken by the large numbers of exuberant teenagers in attendance – which was great to see.  ’Twas a bit chilly for being topless though lads!;
• The various Welsh flags draped around the Liberty – Jacs y Gogledd, Wrexham Reds, Y Fflint, Carmarthen Jacks, Caneri Cymraeg – seemed to indicate a good cross-Wales spread of support, but one which didn’t necessarily always ‘come together’ for their country (which is a shame);

• I counted at least two occasions when Aaron Ramsey and Craig Bellamy had a difference of opinion on certain passages of play.  Both of which Ramsey appeared to largely ignore, rather than react.  In troubled times, I suspect this sort of behaviour could become divisive;
• Gareth Bale is incredibly fast and caused Switzerland umpteen problems on the wing.  I’d love to see him and Nathan Dyer have a race down the wing;
• After Wales scored the 2nd goal, they sat back inviting pressure from Switzerland.  This wasn’t helped by some casual defending by Darcy Blake, Andrew Crofts and David Vaughan – much to the displeasure of Ashley Williams (whom told them so too!);
• Steve Morison’s workrate was excellent and I can see him being a handful for Norwich when they entertain the Swans a week Saturday;
• Never give children in your company too much to drink (non-alcoholic) whilst watching the game, as invariably they need to go to the toilet during either half!
• The Dutch referee Bjorn Kuipers was the target of abuse from both sets of fans – which illustrates what a great game he had (not).  Maybe he should stick to running his supermarket;
• The £3 match programme was shocking – lacking in content (and any real depth) and sparse at 50 pages – including 15 pages of adverts!  In fact I’ve seen better League One programmes;

The home of Premier League football in Wales

For the second time this month, I saw myself heading off to the big smoke to see my beloved Swans take on another premier league giant – this time in the shape of the multi-national, multi-million pound stars of Chelsea.  They’re quite a bit like Manchester City really, only poorer.

The trip took on all the more significance as I was accompanied by Loughor’s very own answer to Bear Grylls – Plastic Jack – whom was making his Swans away game debut.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt travelling to lots of Swans away games, it’s that leaving early is always a good idea. As a result, we were on the road by 07:30 and made speedy progress along the M4 to our tube station destination (try saying that after a few beverages) of Hounslow West – which is just off junction 3 of the M4.

In fact, I’d recommend catching the tube from Hounslow West for ANY game in London (especially if you’re coming along the M4) as it’s free to park there and costs just £8 for unlimited day travel on the underground between zones 1-5, which pretty much covers all the London based teams.

Here is Plastic Jack posing in his one and only Swans jersey at the tube station.

Once aboard the tube we headed for Earls Court, where we were meeting Director Jack (of Alex Jones’ ballet fame) and Teacher Jack (who was really an egg chaser in disguise).

Walking down Earls Court Road (just like the old Swans song – minus the Mumbles of course) we came across Penywern Road and just for a micro-second, we thought we were in Ystalyfera… until we noticed the abundance of grand houses.  Right that’s enough of the geography, moving on swiftly…

We all met up in a pub called the Courtfield which is pretty much opposite the tube station and was already rather busy with Chelsea fans by the time we got there at 11:30.  It was a decent enough place – if a bit dark and dingy – but the welcome was good with no bother whatsoever.  It was rather amusing however to see the bemused looks from the locals as we proceeded to speak to each other in Welsh – with the odd bit of English here and there.

It was also at this point that I realised that Plastic Jack and Teacher Jack really needed to go and get a room together – such was the intensity and passion with which they spoke about the Scarlets and Welsh rugby in general.  Now although I’m an ex-rugby player myself, I did find all this talk a bit weird, given that this was after all a football away day!

As noon approached we headed off to the Kings Head pub where we’d arranged to meet a larger group of TwitterJacks (whom are Swansea City fans on Twitter for those of you not in the know) for some pre-match food and conversation. It was good to see the Oxford Jacks once again and to finally get to meet Windsor Jack – although I did find his story about Fatima Whitbread’s sexiness rather disturbing to say the least!

I’d been warned that the barman at the Kings Head was of Cardiff origin, but unfortunately such facts couldn’t be substantiated on the day.  However, judging by the paltry, wafer thin, dried edge, piece of ham served with my egg and chips (costing £6.95) I suspect he might well have been exacting a wee bit of revenge. Bless it must be hard supporting a lower league football team

By 14:15 we were on our way to the game and opted against catching the tube to Fulham Broadway in favour of a walk on what was bizarrely a surprisingly warm and sunny September day. We made the 20 minute walk to the ground without any bother – despite passing a couple of “spotters” – and were soon queueing to get into the shed!

After being searched no less than 4 times, we made our way to the inner concourse and I can see why it’s called the ‘Shed End’.  Space wasn’t at a premium (unlike Arsenal) and you can see that Stamford Bridge is a ground that has been built up over the years as the club has grown, or rather as the bank balance has.

It was also nice to see a collection being made outside the ground for the Swansea Valley Miners Appeal Fund, as well as Chelsea donating the monies from their match day raffle and offering to double to the amount raised.  A nice gesture indeed from a club whose reputation is probably more associated with the infamous ‘Chelsea Headhunters’ of the 1970′s than being a club of goodwill and respect.  Da iawn.

So what of the game, well I’ll summarise my observations in the form of bullet points – as is the norm for me nowadays – rather than re-iterate what you can read elsewhere in terms of a full match report.

• As has been the case with all 6 PL games to date, we started off well and didn’t appear overawed by the stature of our opponents – which is always a good thing.  In fact Chelsea appeared somewhat rattled by the lack of ‘respect’ – for want of a better word – that we showed them;
• It was also quite noticeable that until the Torres goal, we’d restricted Chelsea to long range efforts on goal and crazy as it sounds in a 4-1 defeat, I’ve seen us play a heck of a lot worse defensively than that;
• That said, at least 2 of the Chelsea goals were sloppy in my opinion and I felt that Vorm wasn’t as quick to react as he had been in previous games. That said, he did make a couple of other good saves though;
• The Torres tackle was shocking and I shudder to think what state would have been on Mark Gower’s leg/ankle if he had made full contact with his 2 footed raised feet challenge!
• We created several good goal scoring opportunities but a lack of cutting edge and luck once again haunts us in front of goal – especially away from home;
• The video I have of one of these unlucky chances (Nathan Dyer hitting the crossbar) can’t be shared with you right now, as YouTube and the Premier League have issued me with a copyright infringement warning!! I’ll tell you more about that later in the week;
• The Swans fans reaction to Ashley Williams’ goal spoke volumes about how passionate we are about the club and indeed about how realistic the majority are about our PL journey (i.e. just enjoy every single minute);

• Overall we simply couldn’t compete for the full 90 minutes with the pace, power and overall class of the expensively assembled Chelsea team;
• My picks for the Swans were Leon Britton, Garry Monk and Mark Gower – with decent contributions from Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer;
• I’m still not convinced by Lita or Routledge.  Lita seemed well off the pace (unlike last weekend) and I can’t help but feel that Routledge’s heart simply isn’t in wearing a Swans shirt.  Both of which were in stark contrast to Danny Graham, who came on and seemed prepared to run through a brick wall, such was his work rate and enthusiasm. We need players like that if we’re going to do well this season;
• The chants of “Swansea Reject” and “You Jack Bast*rd” at Frank Lampard whilst he was warming up were quality and even he managed to have a chuckle at them;
• The 3,100+ Jacks were once again in fine voice, with the “You’re only here to watch the Swans” chant appearing to amuse the locals somewhat;
• Thankfully – in terms of noise – Stamford Bridge wasn’t a library, but perhaps more akin of a kindergarten.  I find this rather odd – but suspect it’s the norm for numerous reasons up and down the country (for reasons I won’t go into here!);
• The stewarding was far from friendly and in some causes bordered on harassment – even to the extent of ushering us out after the game – despite there still being long queues! There were also issues because of the language barrier in some cases;
• Seeing Petr Cech ask Scott Sinclair for his jersey was rather a strange sight.  Even Scotty was taken aback and pointed to Michel Vorm as if to say you want to swap goalkeepers jerseys? Cech’s response was to once again point at Sinclair… they duly swapped shirts.  To date, it has always been the other way around!

After the final whistle blew, I took comfort in the fact that we’d acquitted ourselves relatively well and scored our first away goal in the premier league. The fact is we’d simply been outdone by a classy top 4 outfit and there was certainly no shame in that.

Upon leaving the ground, we encountered our one and only bit of confrontational banter with a couple of Chelsea “fans” whom were visibly inebriated/high as kites.  We later learned that these two beauties and their accompanying “well fit birds” (NOT) hailed from Devon or rather the Chelsea supporters club from that area.

After the initial (and oh-so predictable) anti-Welsh comments, we then had the laughable… “We’re from Exeter, you know them, you Swans were playing them only a few seasons ago, remember? Only 90 minutes away from non-league remember? You’ll be playing them again soon!”.  Now as much as this got under my skin and I was tempted to give some verbal retort, I decided that it simply wasn’t worth the bother.  After all, they probably couldn’t read and they couldn’t write, but apparently they could drive a tractor!?

It also begged the question of course as to why they weren’t supporting Exeter City and not Chelsea, but heck we know the answer to that don’t we.  Bloody plastics

The remainder of our walk – including a short cut through the vast yet overgrown Brompton cemetery – was pleasant and we were stopped outside several pubs (the Imperial and Prince of Wales being two which I remember) by Chelsea fans wanting to have a friendly natter, offer of a pint or two and a farewell hand-shake (not that sort!) before moving on.

All the Chelsea fans we met were generally complimentary about our style of play, Nathan Dyer, Angel Rangel, how noisy the Swansea fans were and the predictable – yet condescending - “we hope you’ve enjoyed your day out”.

We duly arrived at West Brompton tube station and proceeded to board the next tube to Earls Court in order to change for the final leg of our tube journey to Hounslow.  Trust us then to find the one tube full of stone island clad Swans fans with the 10+ British Transport Police officers in tow.  All I can say is I bet the train journey from Paddington must have been an interesting one!

After queuing for a short space of time, we were on our way to Hounslow and the M4 was beckoning by 18:30.  Whilst at Hounslow tube station, we did our good deed for the day and gave our unlimited day travel passes to two unsuspecting ladies queuing to get their tickets. Despite us not speaking Polish, they were happy and so were we.

The journey home was rather eventful! We almost ran out of fuel and thankfully we just made it to Magor services in time.  Although it was at the services we were encountered some rather strange people whom thought it hilarious to play football in the gents toilets – complete with imaginary ball, sliding tackles and Gordon Banks’ heroics.  Messy and bizarre.

Fair play to Plastic Jack for being our driver for the day, he did a splendid job and I was back home by 21:30.  So all in all it was another enjoyable and eventful away day with the Swans and my Scarlets loving, egg chasing, Plastic Jack friend appears to have now caught the away day bug too.

I do wish he’d stop calling it “soccer” though…

Yes you did read the title right, the Gunners versus the Swans in the Premier League. Who’d have thought eh!?  It was 1983 when these two sides last met in the league – and that was in the old First Division – the top flight of that era.

For me personally, this was THE game that the Premier League penny finally dropped and I realised how far the Swans had actually come in such a short space of time.

The excitement had been building all week and 7am on Saturday morning couldn’t come quick enough.  So when Conker Jack picked me up in his yellow Nissan Micra (aka the Noddymobile) our first ever trip to the Emirates Stadium was underway.

After a quick stop at Esporta – where we met our chauffer for the day – Teacher Jack and her male assistant Muffin Jack – we headed off to Cardiff in search of our last companion Producer Jack.  We didn’t have a flag with us this time around, otherwise we’d have probably stopped outside Cardiff City stadium again

Before I start talking football, it’s worth giving you the lowdown on the aforementioned people for various reasons…

• Director Jack for example has inside information on Alex Jones and her Strictly Come Dancing appearance (based on the fact they did ballet together);
• La très belle Teacher Jack was Aaron Ramsey’s old French teacher.  Perhap’s it is little wonder that he joined Arsene Wenger’s Arsenal then – “Bienvenue mon garçon”.  Such irony on a day like this;
• Muffin Jack claims that he knew all about Lisa Roger’s having sex on THE Mastermind chair long before the story broke in the Daily Mirror a few years back. He also claims that the said chair was very “comfortable, yet quite slippery and squeaky”. We didn’t establish how he knew such facts!

After leaving Wales’ only championship football club city, we made great time and duly arrived in the north London suburb of Cockfosters – allegedly named after a lager drinking Australian – at around 11:30am.

Given the traffic chaos that is synonymous with London, we’d decided that taking the tube to Arsenal on the Piccadilly line was our easiest and quickest option.  Ten minutes later and £8 lighter in the pocket and we were on our way to Arsenal – some 20 minutes or so away.

Upon leaving the Arsenal tube station we were immediately faced with a barrage of independent merchandise and food stalls – which felt a little bit like a throwback to the 70′s and 80′s football.  Quite nostalgic to say the least.

I did however find the sale of dated Arsenal v Swansea ‘split’ scarfs (£10 each) rather patronising.  We were after all two Premier League teams playing each other on merit and who’s to say that we both still won’t be PL teams come May 2012.   Cup final, play-off final, European scarfs are one thing but this, well enough said.

Now with my Alan Sugar hat on, I did wonder/consider whether or not the majority of these street stalls – which were incidentally setup inside most of the front gardens of the terraced houses – were indeed the occupants running a doorstep business!!  Given the potential footfall of even a fraction of the 60,000+ crowd every other weekend, that’s quite a bloody marvellous business opportunity.  So does anyone in Landore want to rent their front garden out to me?

A brisk 5 minute walk from the tube station and you begin to see the enormity of the Emirates Stadium complex. From the large club shop, multiple box offices and museum to the long and wide footbridges leading right up to the stadium itself.  It really makes you realise the gulf between the Premier League’s top teams and the rest – perhaps more off the field than on it.  Rumour has it that on any Premier League match day, Arsenal make in the region of £1million. That just goes to illustrate the divide between the princes and paupers of this league.

Whilst wondering around the stadium taking pictures and admiring the historical murials of Arsenal legends past and present, we came across of a couple of officers from South Wales Police, whom comically were also taking photos of each other outside the stadium!  When asked if they wanted one together, they declined and quickly made off… but not before mentioning that “we’re on tour as well you know”.  Classic.

After getting all our photographic mementos for the day, we headed off to the Drayton Park pub - which is the designated pub for away fans – for some light liquid refreshment.  It is conveniently located across the road from the away end at the Emirates.  It wasn’t long before the queues started to form outside and ‘Hymns and Arias’ was being belted out inside.

It was also at this point that we became aware of some German Jacks!  They were boisterous to say the least and one couldn’t escape the irony of them singing “always sheet on da ingerleash side of da bridge”.  Still it raised a smile or two for both Swans and Gunners fans alike.

The Gerhard Tremmel fanclub had also taken a shine to Teacher Jack – something to do with ‘ze French aczent‘ no doubt – but alas they were thwarted in their amorous attempts by our resident night in shining armour Muffin Jack.

Vocal cords lubricated, we headed off to the famous (in Highbury times anyway) Clock End where the away fans are housed in the Emirates stadium.  The famous clock itself now forms part of the new stadium.

Talking of clocks, anyone know who nicked/borrowed/stores the Vetch Field clock? It could have been moved to the Liberty FFS…

We were impressed by the sheer enormity of the place – let alone the padded seats.  Yes that’s right, every single seat in the stadium is padded back and bottom.  Just a shame I didn’t spend much time sat on it really! They even had 1 foot long hot dogs on sale for the princely sum of £5 and although I didn’t indulge, I swear the girth on my little finger was more than that of the hot dog.

All jokes food and otherwise aside, whilst Manchester City’s Etihad stadium was impressive, this was something on a totally different level.

As for the game well, there is little point in me renacting every ooowww and aaahhh (or even arghh!) as that has been done elsewhere, but I will do my customary bullet point summary.

• I did think ‘OMG we could get spanked here’ on several occasions during the first 15 minutes or so, thus was the ease that Arsenal prized us open/took advantage of our wayward passes;
• Once we settled, we began to take control of the game with Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer in particular tormenting the Arsenal defence;
• Whilst Angel played ok, IMO he still gives his opponent too much space and is often caught out of position;
• The Arsenal goal was simply one of those 1-in-a-million type howlers – no more, no less but I think what made it hurt all the more was the fact that, at that point we were dominating the game;
• I still think we haven’t got the right balance in midfield, but it was a clever ploy to pick Joe Allen for the Aaron Ramsey tussle, given that fact that he was overlooked in midfield for Wales in midweek;
• Danny Graham, grafted hard (as always) and really needs just a wee bit of luck in front of goal to open his account. Oh so close with his 3 chances today.  Keep the faith;
• Ashley Williams and in particular Steven Caulker were solid and abrasive at the back – with the latter making a cracking goal-line clearance;
• Neil Taylor was my man of the match as apart from two occasions he had Theo Walcott in his back pocket all game (as he had Stewart Downing 4 days earlier at Wembley);
• Ashley William’s positive, reassuring reaction to both Michel Vorm and Danny Graham after their ‘howlers’ was testament to the team spirit at the Swans and it was great to see;
• Even discounting the Stuart Attwell factor, I can see why Arsenal pick up so many red cards – niggly, late, off-the-ball challenges.  Not quite at a Leeds standard, but getting there;
• Arsene Wenger doing the half-time programme draw (obviously pre-recorded) on the giant video screen was comical – purely because you never ever see him wearing such a cheesy grin.  It was so out of character!
• The 3,000+ Swans fans were in fine voice (as usual), but I still don’t get it why some people feel the need to go in full fancy dress or sing “same old English always cheating” for that matter.
• There’s nowt to say about the Gooners support really.  It was however extremely interesting to note the number of multi-national fans that attend their games.  Perhaps this is why they’re so quiet?;

Here are a couple of video’s I took at the game – Scotty Sinclair’s woodwork rattling free-kick and Danny Graham’s Earnshaw-esque miss in the dying minutes…

Gutted, proud, disappointed, frustrated, surprised were all words I muttered to myself after the final whistle.  I still can’t quite believe that we (a) more than matched our so called more illustrious opponents and (b) we didn’t get at least a point.  The reaction of fans and players (of both sides) at the end of the game seemed to further enhance this view.

The time spent leaving the stadium and queueing for the tube back to Cockfosters did little to quench our sense of disbelief that we hadn’t got at least a point from the game.  I always find it amusing that the majority of other teams fans seem content to say that their team “played shit” rather than “you stopped us playing/you played well” - but I forget we’re only little old Swansea from the wild west of Wales.

By 18:30 we were on our way home and tucking into our burgeoning lunchboxes – having eaten Muffin Jack’s supply of sausage/bacon baps, grapes and muffins on the way up. Needing fuel and a caffeine fix, we duly stopped at Reading services and we greeted by lots of noisy, excitable Jacks – which is normal I hasten to add – but this commotion was purely because the Swans team bus had also stopped there.

Seeing Neil Taylor wandering into the services, I simply had to ask him the one question that was on everyone’s lips – “Have you decided to let Theo out of your pocket yet?”… his response, was a chuckled reply of “Yes, I think so”. *Alan Curtis declined to comment when I put it to him that “You really should be on twitter now Alan, it’s the way forward”.

Soon we were on our travel’s once again and after dropping off Producer Jack in Cardiff, we were back at the Esporta just gone 22:15 and in time to see the Swans bus arrive and drop the players off.

Conker Jack won’t thank me for telling you all this, but whilst departing the car park, he almost took out Kemy Augustien, Neil Taylor and the little physio in his Noddymobile.  In fairness to him though, perhaps the next training ground exercise for the Swans should be based on ‘How not to cross the road from in-front of a parked bus’!

Home safe and sound, it was time for another coffee and watch the highlights of the game on Match of the Day, whilst still contemplating how we hadn’t got the positive result our performance deserved.

So all in all – result aside – it was a memorable day and one which will live long in my memory for lots of reasons.  But I suppose the one comment that’ll stick in my mind was this one from the Match of the Day commentator Steve Wilson – “If it wasn’t for the Swansea fans it’d be quieter than Islington library in here”.

I’m proud to be a Swan.

*I made that bit up sorry!