Mutterings for the Minority

The Swans backed by a travelling support of over 2,500 fans, travelled north to face bottom of the table Blackburn for a game that many anticipated would be our first Premier League away win.

How times have changed since the last time we played Blackburn, a 4-1 defeat at the Liberty stadium in a friendly back in July 2005, when the Swans were in League One.

Sadly on a day that the Swans gave a debut to their rather bright orange away kit, the result was more akin to the grim northern weather that greeted us on our arrival in this Lancashire town.

With Sports Writer Jack at the helm, we embarked on the 400 mile round trip (using the mid-Wales route) from the Swansea valley at around 08:15 and made good progress reaching Blackburn by around 12:30 – without a pee stop I hasten to add.  Now that’s what you call bladder retention!

The journey ‘up north’ passed without much in the way of incident – apart from a couple of mid-Walian kamikaze pheasants (now rather well known due to previous Swans away days) which sadly met their match in the form of an accelerating 4×4 owner.  You’d have thought he’d have slowed down to let them cross the road – as we did – but obviously he had other ideas and a sunday roast to prepare no doubt.

In keeping with the food theme, once we arrived in a wet, grey and grim (depressing?) Blackburn – we decided to utilise one of the many £4 or £5 a time impromptu car parks dotted along Branch Road – some half mile or so away from Ewood Park – and headed off in search of some nourishment.

Fortunately for us we came across a chip shop come chinese takeaway called the ‘Bamboo House’ on nearby Fore street and we were good to go.  Once our curly chips and meat & potato pie were no more, we set off in search of Ewood Park to have a nose around.  What is it with chinese takeaways and curly chips?

Whilst making the 10 minute walk to the ground we passed the designated away fans pub – The Fernhurst Arms – which was already packed with Swans fans.  I suspect the bouncers on the door and large police outside were in case of any violence at finding out it cost £2 just to get into the place!

As we approached the ground, it was obvious to see where some of Jack Walker’s millions had been spent and it made us realise that whilst Blackburn might not be in the list of most fashionable clubs to trip off everyone’s tongue – they are  certainly up there when it comes to heritage and history.

Our early arrival meant that we were able to have a walk around the ground and see both team buses arrive.  It also gave us an opportunity to gauge the sense of disenchantment of the Blackburn fans towards Steve Kean.

Much to our surprise the Blackburn team bus was greeted by no more than 30 or so fans, and as the players/management got off the coach there was only a solitary comment aimed at Kean – “It’s now or never Kean” and that my friends was it!  Not quite the sort of barracking I anticipated.

As if planned with military precision, the departure of the Blackburn team coach heralded the arrival of the Swans bus less than 5 minutes later, by which time around 20 or so Swansea fans had arrived to greet the team.

The players looked very focussed and ‘in the zone’ – with the majority wearing the trendy Skullcandy headphones which are so popular with Premier League footballers nowadays.  I’m sure it was disappointing for the young Swansea fans present that none of them (from what we could see) – other than Stephen Dobbie – chose to acknowledge they’re presence.  Surely a quick hello or autograph wouldn’t go amiss? Having said that I suppose given the time of arrival 13:30 the players are purely focussed on the game and nothing else.

Continuing our tour around the ground it was evident everywhere we looked the impact Jack Walker (and his money) had had on the club – and the local area no doubt.  There was a customary stand named after him and even the catering/hospitality area aptly known as “Jack’s Kitchen”.  Perhaps Delia Smith should take note?

A quick visit to the club shop once again illustrated how far the Swans lag behind other Premier League teams in terms of merchandising opportunities.  Does anyone from the club ever take the time to check what ‘the opposition’ is up to?  I’d happily provide a dossier on what I’ve witnessed at the 5 other clubs I’ve visited watching the Swans this season – and no that doesn’t include Shrewsbury Town’s club shop!  Anyway I’ll wrap up about that as I’m a web anorak not a marketing guru.

After not undertaking any retail therapy whatsoever, we continued our walk around the ground and came across a memorial garden – where fans could (if they so wished) have their ashes scattered.

This struck us both as something which I’m sure a lot of Swansea or indeed Ospreys fans might wish to see at the Liberty stadium perhaps.  There is after all some available green belt of land behind and to the side of the East Stand.

I wonder if the club would be receptive to this idea?  Let’s not forget that whilst the club was in residence at our once beloved Vetch Field that ashes were scattered onto the pitch.  I wonder what happens to such requests nowadays?

It was a poignant reminder of years gone by when we passed the Riverside Stand, which was in stark contrast to the other 3 re-developed stands at Ewood Park.  The site of the groundsman’s tools and machinery nestled under the stand was comical and served to remind me of our days at the Vetch.

There is always something to be said for the old skool football grounds and I miss the quirky character that they bring to an ‘away day’ trip.  Sadly modern stadia can’t and I don’t think ever will be able to re-create this ‘feeling’.

The site of a ‘Multi Faith Room’ underneath the stand was something which neither of us had ever seen before at a football ground – but I guess it just goes to show the diverse range of cultures that exist in this part of Lancashire.

After the obligatory touch and feel by the stewards, we entered the away end… now that sounds dodgy, so I’ll re-phrase it… we entered the Darwen End stand where the 3,000 or so Swans fans would be housed (lower and upper tiers).

It must be said that ALL of the Blackburn people we met were very very friendly and I can see why people say that northerners are generally a friendly bunch – unlike their compatriots from south of the Watford gap.

Anyway, enough of the ground tour and stereotyping – what of the game…

• A rapturous minutes applause was held in memory of Gary Speed, with the Swans fans singing “There’s only one Gary Speed” throughout.  A fitting tribute for a well respected and much loved Welsh football great;
• The absence of Danny Graham to injury meant a start for the more physical Leroy Lita – an attribute that would be needed against a big, physical Blackburn outfit;
• Ashley ‘Jazz’ Richards was making his full Premier League debut and we hoped that his inexperience wouldn’t be exploited by his more experienced opponent – in the shape of the pacy Junior Hoillet;
• The orange away kit was given a debut on a dreary winter’s day – which we thought might be a useful advantage, despite the colour clashing with the stewards dotted around the pitch;
• The Swans started brightly with a strong Ashley Williams block tackle on Yakubu – forcing him to initially hobble – setting the tone for the opening 15 minutes;
• Unfortunately, Jazz was ‘done’ on 21 minutes and Blackburn were ahead thanks to a wonderfully taken strike from Yakubu.  He really is a big old unit and would prove to be a right handful all afternoon;

• The body language after the goal wasn’t good and we did wonder how the team would react. We needn’t have worried;
• Another long period of domination led to us scoring a sublime team goal, with a salmon like jump from Leroy bringing us level – cue jubilation from the travelling hordes.  Lita for me was one of the positives from the afternoon – working hard at closing down and chasing back;
• The 2nd goal was again from a defensive lapse with Jazz arguably giving away a corner rather than perhaps ushering the ball out of play.  The Yak wasn’t going to miss (unfortunately) with a header from 3 yards out;
• Another lapse in concentration in the 2nd half – this time by Neil Taylor (I think) – saw the Yak add to his tally with a powerful header and I did wonder which Swansea we were going to see for the remainder of the game.  Would be capitulate or rally?;
• Somehow to their credit, the team and fans rallied and a goal from the hard working Luke Moore after some good work by Wayne Routledge – who continues to prove me wrong – set the game up for a grandstand finish.  The belief was there again;
• After Luke’s goal and during another long period of Swans dominance, we wasted a couple of chances (Sinclair’s in particular) to bring things level and I think had we done so we would have gone on to win the game – such was the frailty of Blackburn’s defence at the time;

• Sadly the sending off of Joe Allen (2nd yellow) and Neil Taylor’s subsequent unnecessary penalty box lunge meant the Yak sewed the game up from the penalty spot and we were left to rue missed chances and what might have been’s;
• Whilst I’ve previously commentated on the way teams appear to target Angel Rangel at away games – on today’s evidence I also realise how much work he actually does in both defence and attack.  His month long absence is a huge blow;
• Our consistent, fluid passing game seems to have gone a little awry over the last 2 or 3 games (in patches) and I can’t help but feel this is reflected in the results;
• The inconsistent standard in refereeing was once again evident today with Chris Foy seemingly falling firmly into the ‘Homer’ category.  Mind you if the half-hearted manner of his pre-match warm-up was anything to go by, I don’t think either he or his fellow officials really wanted to be there anyway!
• It was somewhat bizarre to hear the Blackburn fans chanting ‘Kean Out’ during and after the game considering the result.  But in fairness I guess the ‘rot’ had set in quite some time ago and one win certainly wasn’t going to change that;
• Chant of the day would have to go to the Jack Army with ‘Steve Kean for England’ – we can only hope
• Overall we’d once again dominated for long periods of the game but a lack of killer instinct in front of goal and some uncharacteristic sloppy defending cost us dearly. We really MUST become more ruthless in front of goal;

So all in all it was a disappointing end to what we’d hoped was going to be an historic day and with the opportunity to sing the “Jingle Bells Swans Win Away” song dashed, we trudged off back to the car to contemplate the 4 and a half hour drive home.

The highlight of the journey home was without doubt tasting Olivia’s muffins which lifted our spirits no end and ensured the trip home was an extremely pleasant one.

Despite the the odd burst of torrential rain, we made good time and I was back home with my feet up by 21:30, eagerly awaiting the opportunity to scrutinise our performance once again on match of the day.

However disappointing the result today may have been, at this juncture, one game certainly doesn’t make or break a season and I’m optimistic that we’ll return to form sooner rather than later.

As always, I’m proud to be a Swan.

 

With Children in Need 2011 being today, it means fundraising time and this years ‘event’ is running 10 miles dressed as a pirate!

Every year a group of about 10 or so of us organise a fancy dress event in order to raise money for what is probably the nation’s favourite charity – Children in Need.

Symbolised by the seemingly immortal Pudsey Bear, Children in Need day makes parents, grandparents and children all over the UK do the nuttiest things in order to raise money for a wonderful cause.

So come noon today, I along with my fellow dodgy seamen and fair maidens/wenches will be casting our ship ahoy (laden with fundraising buckets) from the Guildhall in Swansea and steering a steady course along Swansea promenade down to the booty in Mumbles Pier.

Once we’ve filled our booty, we’ll make the return voyage – ensuring that the said buckets are brimming with silver and gold.

And if any of ye scurvy dogs reading this be kind enough to make a donation, then they’d be most welcome by me and me fellow shipmates.

Now if you’re wondering what me and me muckers will look like, then cast ye eyes on these beauties from last year (I be the one dressed as Darth Vader)…

Talking of the past, you can read all about our last year’s Children in Need exploits on this blog too!

Well tally-ho me hearties, I’d best get on and get me pirate gear on.  So here’s to a barrel of rum and a damn good run!

[EDIT] Here’s a picture of me and the rest of the motley crew at the half way point by Mumbles Pier

You heard it hear first ladies and gents – the winner of the 2011 I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here reality tv show is stunning brunette Jessica Jane Clement.

With this year’s show starting later this evening, I thought it best to whip out my crystal balls beforehand and give it to you about who would be crowned queen of the jungle.

But let’s get one thing straight from the off, I’m no reality tv buff – far from it in fact – but I do rather like watching various A to Z list celebrities making (pardon the pun) tits of themselves in the jungle.

Whether that be celebs (?) such as Paul ‘The Butler’ Burrell putting his hands in some hellish holes or Katie ‘Jordan’ Price swallowing fish eyes – it’s rather entertaining watching them squirm and whinge.

Although in fairness, 75% of the time the one’s you think will tough it out don’t and the one’s that you think will be pussies aren’t!  Apart from Gillian McKeith of course whom everyone (I spoke to) wanted to see her suffer as much as possible!!

So what of former ‘Dream Team’ and ‘The Real Hustle’ glamour puss Jessica then?

Well apart from the fact that she is extremely attractive, the media (no doubt assisted by ITV) have hyped her presence in the jungle further by quoting her as saying things such as - “I love bikinis. I wear Brazilian ones, which are small on the bum. They might look skimpy. I’ve even had a wax, so I’m fully prepared!”.

And if comments such as that didn’t stimulate the crotch region of the predominately male Sun/Star readership, then her saying that “I don’t wear bras” and “I don’t think any man can deny enjoying hot girls in bikinis” certainly will!

But that’s just the point isn’t it.  Do the media really think that the majority of people fall for this type of propaganda and that we’re a nation of simpletons? Or is it just darn good PR that will whip up a frenzy (mainly amongst men) and boost the show’s ratings – not to mention the telephone charges when voting for young Jessica?

No doubt the ladies amongst you could make the same sort of observations about ‘The Only Way is Essex’ star Mark Wright – whom is Jessica’s ratings pulling counterpart (according to my wife anyway!).

I’m sure the younger female generation and fans of boyband McFly will be cheering on Dougie Poynter – so it’ll make interesting viewing (for some) I’m sure.

But I’ll let you all ponder that talking point, whilst I go back to drooling over Jessica Jane Clement Celebrity Jungle Winner

 P.s

I do have a soft spot for brunettes and always have done – just ask my wife

 

 

For many Swans fans the visit to Anfield was the first game they looked for when the Premier League fixures were released back in July, after all it had been 28 years since the sides last met in the league.  We’ll forget about the 8 nil FA Cup drubbing in 1990!

Little wonder then that given the history between the clubs – due to the Toshack era – today’s game meant divided loyalties for many Swans fans old enough to remember the historic rise through the divisions in the late 70′s and early 80′s.

But regardless of any Liverpool v Swansea history, a visit to Anfield – for the vast majority of football fans – invokes thoughts of what many consider the home of football, the Kop end, the famous ‘Anfield Roar‘ and of course the pre kick-off  rendition of ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’.

So when we left Swansea at 07:15 this morning, there was plenty to mull over as we contemplated the day ahead.

This was my 4th away game of the season thus far, but my companion for the day Polka Dot Jack – who incidentally is more famous for his Cardiff City Messageboard appearance than his L’Etape Du Tour exploits – was making his debut Premier League away appearance.

We opted to take the 165 mile scenic route through mid Wales on what was a beautiful winter’s morning.

The early morning view over the Towy valley from the Black Mountains was stunning, with the mist passing itself off as giant reservoirs of water.

We did “joke” about whether or not additional dams had been built to enhance the existing water supply to Liverpool and the rest of north west!

The remainder of our meandering journey through the picturesque countryside passed off with little other items of interest, bar the steady stream of Swans fans cars and vans which were seemingly in convoy with us.

Having made good time, we duly arrived in Liverpool at around 11:20am and proceeded to find some suitable parking near to Anfield.  Now being an organised so-and-so and not someone whom likes leaving things to chance, I’d done my internet research and managed to locate a match day car park on the corner of Utting Avenue and Priory Road – a 5 minute walk from Anfield.  Nearby was Stanley Park, which is worth a walk through if only to appreciate the stark contrast between the green belt and the row upon row of terraced houses that surround Anfield.

I must confess – given Liverpool’s legendary association with car crime – that upon arrival at the car park, the distinct lack of cars but plethora of large vans/trucks was a little unnerving.  This feeling wasn’t helped by a rather shifty gentleman collecting the £10 parking fee, putting it in his back pocket and immediately saying – “the gates close at 6pm” before scooting off quickly in the direction of his equally shifty colleagues.

However, the arrival of more cars in a short space of time, settled any nerves we had about leaving it there and we headed off to Anfield to see (and take pictures of) the legendary football landmarks.

Entry to the world renowned Kop end is made through the ‘Paisley Gateway’, which is named after the Liverpool legend of almost 50 years – Bob Paisley.  I couldn’t help but think the Kop stand would be bigger – but I thought I’d reserve full judgement until inside the stadium.

Also behind these gates, the statue of another Liverpool legend can be found - Bill Shankly.  It’s worth mentioning at this point, that if you want to get a good picture then I suggest you get there early – otherwise the chances are you’ll have to share the picture with someone else!!

This part of the ground is also home to the club shop and I wasted no time in having a wonder around – mainly to satisfy my product marketing desires than anything else.  Two things immediately struck me about the shop – it’s size and it’s vast selection of Liverpool merchandise.

I sincerely hope that someone from the Swan’s marketing department ventured in to have a look as well, as there is little doubt in my mind that they could have learnt a thing or two.

Whether it be the club branded products available – such as  ’pink’ football scarves for the ladies to hatchet tool covers for the fellas – or something as simple as personal shop assistants on match days.  They even had underwear, kitchen utensils and condoms!!  It’s all additional (and welcome) income for the club.  Anyway, time to get off my soapbox

After devouring a chicken & mushroom pie with chips and lashings of gravy from the Sing Fong takeaway (opposite the Kop), it was time to venture around to the away end and see the famous ‘Shankly gates’.

The pie is worth an additional mention as it had obviously been microwaved numerous times before I purchased it.  I swear that if I’d been inclined to throw it anywhere other than the bin (which is where it ended up!) it could have seriously maimed somebody/something.

Alongside the gates is the Hillsborough memorial – complete with a single burning flame inside – which was built in memory of the 96 people whom tragically lost their lives in the disaster.

The memorial also appear to be the spot where Liverpool fans placed wreaths for the passing of recent loved ones.  It was a very touching and sobering experience.

Whilst walking around the ground taking in all of the history and folklore associated with Liverpool football club, you couldn’t help but feel that it was also a day when we ourselves became part of that history as fans of Premier League newcomers Swansea City.  We were if you like – for today at least – on a par with this world famous football club.

It was also good to mingle with the Liverpool fans without any hassle whatsoever with some even stopping to have a chat.  Although it must be said that this “chat” usually ended with them asking either “Can you spare us a pound mate?” or “Would you like to buy some pin badges?” – the scousers certainly aren’t backwards in coming forward!

On the subject of souvenirs, there were the usual and seemingly customary scarf/t-shirt selling stalls around the ground, which one again were selling the 50/50 split scarves.

Whilst I’ve found this somewhat insulting previously, I was heartened to notice that there were Liverpool v Sunderland ‘split’ scarves from earlier this season on sale.  Maybe it isn’t just the promoted teams that get the scarf memorabilia treatment then!

On the subject of the stalls, here is just one of the many t-shirts available for purchase!

One other thing that you notice immediately once you’re in the vicinity of the ground is the large number of ticket touts loitering around asking anyone and everyone if they have any “spares”.

Now when you’re walking around the stadium as much as we did, this does become increasingly annoying and grating (the latter due to the scouse accent!) – especially when the same touts keep asking you the same bloody question.

If I did have a spare ticket, I certainly wouldn’t sell it to a tout – although I’d happily sell it at face value to a fellow Swansea fan.

In keeping with the theme of soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying every minute of the day, we opted to get into the ground as soon as the gates opened at 13:30.

It’s seems that (pardon the pun) the red carpet had been laid out for the Swansea fans, as the welcome signs were not just outside the ground but inside as well!

I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen this at any other Swans game I have been too.  I don’t know if this is customary for all away fans or not, but it was a nice touch all the same.

Once inside Anfield, I couldn’t help but think how different it looked to as it appears on TV – as has been the case with all of the Premier League grounds  (bar Arsenal) I’ve been to so far I hasten to add.

Anfield isn’t as big as it appears and you can tell it’s an old school ground which has been modernised – with the lack of space (legroom) between seats and the large stand supporting pillars being the biggest giveaways.  That said, we were looking forward to the famous ‘Anfield Atmosphere’ with the 2,000 or so Swans fans adding to the mix.

With kick-off fast approaching and the away end bouyed by the appearance of Lee Trundle, Alan Tate, Kristian O’Leary and Jon Coates amongst us fans – there was a strong sense of belief that we could get something from the game, despite the majority of pundits writing us off (as is the norm these days).

After an impeccably observed minutes silence for the servicemen and women whom had lost their lives fighting for our country, the Anfield tannoy started to blast out the Livepool anthem – “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.  Outnumbered but certainly not overawed, the Jack Army proceeded to belt out “Hymns and Arias” as a retort.

I’ll now give a point by point summary of how I interpreted the 90 minutes…

• Routledge’s selection ahead of Sinclair was somewhat of a surprise (for me) and I could only assume it was down to his greater experience.  Having said that with Sinclair’s pace he would be a useful addition later in the game when legs were tiring;  Routledge did play his best game yet in a Swans jersey though (although I’m still on the fence about his passion/commitment!);
• Much as Rangel is good going forward, from what I’ve seen on previous away games he is targeted by the opposition due to the amount of space he gives his attacker;
• The double marking of Suarez was effective – except when he decided to fall/dive, especially towards the latter stages of the game;
• The Liverpool midfield were simply out-thought and out-played by messrs Allen and Britton, to the extent that they made a change at half-time (Kuyt for Henderson) in order to try and stem the flow – such was our dominance;

• Mark Gower’s chance, what can I say other than he must have seen the “How to strike a ball at goal” by Andrea Orlandi DVD – which incidentally is available for £2.99 in all good supermarkets and some rubbish ones too;
• Defensively I thought we were superb and handled the threat of Carroll and Suarez progressively better as the game went on;
• On the subject of the defence, Neil Taylor has been outstanding thus far this season and as of yet hasn’t received the plaudits he deserves;
• Holland’s number one goalkeeper – Michel Vorm - was once again in fine form and his finger tip save to deny Glen Johnson in the closing minutes typified his season thus far.  What a purchase he was when you consider we were chasing Camp and Stockdale;
• If Carroll is worth £35 million, then what price Joe Allen at the moment?
• In light of the positive comments made about the Swans this season and last by Craig Bellamy, I did find the constant barracking of him yesterday (when warming up and on the pitch) somewhat tedious – especially when it is at the expense of getting behind the Swans.  So what if he’s a Cardiff lad and played for them – who cares!
• Given the recent history of Sian Massey’s decisions in Liverpool games – I suspect she won’t be topping the list of anyone’s Christmas card list in Merseyside! She did get the decision spot on for Kuyt’s goal though in fairness;

• The noise generated by the Liverpool fans was pitiful and I was genuinely shocked at how quiet they were before and during the game.  What ‘Anfield Roar’!?
• The Jack Army were their usual boisterous selves and as the game unfolded, I think the vast majority of Liverpool fans did indeed think they were “only here to watch the Swans” – such was the quality of football we played;
• On the subject of songs, judging by the broad grin on Kemy ‘BA’ Agustien’s face, I suspect he rather enjoyed the rendition of the A-Team’s theme tune whilst warming up;
• I thought that Phil Dowd had a good game as referee – unlike some we’ve had over recent weeks!
• It was noticeable at the end of the game that NONE of the Swansea players swapped jerseys with their Liverpool counterparts – I wonder why?  Thanks to Bethan who has pointed out that all of the Liverpool shirts were being signed and donated to the Royal British Legion after the game;
• The standing ovation the team got by the Liverpool fans that had stayed behind was a treat worth seeing and rounded off a terrific performance, which could so easily have ended up as a win;

Who would have thought it eh, our first game at Anfield in the Premier League and we keep a clean sheet – the first time ANY Swansea team has managed to do that in a league game.

We sat waiting for the crowds to disperse reflecting on what had just unfolded in front of our eyes.  A magnificent team performance, playing football which at times had the mighty Liverpool chasing shadows.  Quite frankly it’s hard to believe.

But there in itself lies the key I suppose – belief.  Brendan Roger’s often uses the word and as each game passes in the Premier League the ‘belief’ of the players becomes increasingly more evident for us all to see.  I suppose I’m as guilty as the next Swans fan in actually believing we can and will take points off the top 6 in the Premier League.

After a short 10 minute walk amongst jubilant Swans fans - interspersed with glum Liverpool fans - back to the car (which was still there thankfully complete with radio, wheel trims and wheels),  we were on our way home.

The car was a bit sluggish on starting though, probably due to the extra weight of carrying our ‘point’ in the boot

The journey home consisted of fantasising about the Swans result, whilst at the same time getting agitated at the phone call inducing habits of Stan Collymore on TalkSport, by spouting such classics as “So what!” in response to the Swans result.  Tit.

A relatively clear drive home meant that we were back by 21:45 having enjoyed a great day out and having the pleasure of saying “I was there”.  All that was left to do then was grab a coffee, relax and enjoy Match of the Day.

Unsurprisingly we were on last (due to lack of goals perhaps?) but I don’t really care how much media coverage we get if I’m honest.  It’s kind of nice being unfashionable and unnoticed.

We’ll just get on with the business quietly and efficiently as we always do.  After all, we’re only 10th in the Premier League.

In a world where the Barclays Premier League is a haven for multi-million pound footballers and household names such as Rooney, Drogba, Van Persie and Tate, little (if any) mention is given to the behind the scenes heroes at every club – the kitman or kitlady.

So step forward Michael Eames, not only Swansea City’s kitman but the best kitman in the Premier League by a football pitch or two.

Contrary to what many people think – ‘Eamesy’ as he’s known to everyone at the club – has been in the Swansea City family since the tender age of 8.

Initially plying his trade as a goalkeeper with the Swans junior teams, he later became a free-scoring centre midfielder, which caught the attention of Welsh Premiership side Llanelli.

However, after a season long spell at Llanelli things hadn’t worked out as he’d hoped and at the age of 14, Michael returned to the Swans before eventually moving into coaching through the club’s Football in the Community scheme.

During the summer of 2011, he had an offer to become assistant kitman (or rather kitlady) which was too good to refuse, and he jumped at the chance to work alongside his Mam – Suzanne – in the Swans backroom team.

Nowadays, when not helping with the Swansea team kit, he can be found playing the odd game of football for Swansea local league side Brunswick United – whom he played for in last year’s West Wales Cup Final.

I caught up with ‘Eamesy’ at Swansea’s training ground in Llandarcy and asked him a few questions about his job and some other bits and bobs…

Q1: How and when did you start being a kitman with the Swans?

Well, the adventure began really with the pre-season tour to Austria when my Mam and I had to drive the kit bus all the way over there.

Unfortunately we arrived too late at the hotel complex where the team were staying and ended up sleeping in the van!  I did the gentlemanly thing though and let my Mam sleep in the front seats, whilst I slept on the kitbags in the back!  Everyone else thought this was hilarious… apart from us.

Austria was also the venue for Michael’s Swans initiation, which took place in a hilltop restaurant high in the snow capped Austria mountains.  The initiation involves standing on a chair and singing a song of your choice – the start of which is signalled by the senior players chiming their glasses with cutlery before allowing the victim to proceed with their ‘number’.

Every time we went for something to eat, all of us new guys kept thinking – “is it going to be me today” and when the chiming started up this mountain, I knew it was my turn!

I sang Oasis’ ’Wonderwall’ and gave it everything.  I think I got a good reception, but to be fair it’s usually the guys who can’t sing that are the most entertaining… as they get the mickey taking out of them the most!

Q2: What’s a typical day in the life of a kit man/lady?

Basically for a normal week, like when there’s a game on a Saturday, I come down to Llandarcy by around 8am – having picked up all the clean kit, etc at the stadium first.

I then have to ensure that all the training kit (shirts, boots, shin pads, hats, gloves, tracksuits, etc) is ready for the players for the start of training at around 10:30am.

As my Mam stays at the stadium to do her daily tasks, she usually phones me a couple of times just to make sure everything is ok and that I haven’t forgotten anything!

I then hang about at training helping with bits and bobs  - which includes getting the ball from the undergrowth after some wayward shooting – until after training.  It’s then a case of ensuring that all the kit is then taken back to the stadium for washing, etc ready for the next day.

Still harbouring hopes of a future role in coaching – and getting his coaching badges – Michael uses the ‘downtime’ during training as an opportunity to watch and learn from the club’s coaching staff.

In Swansea, there’s 2 or 3 of us looking after all of the kit and ensuring that everything runs to plan and goes smoothly.  It’s a completely different league to teams like Arsenal or Chelsea, whom have a team of 6-8 kit people working with them all the time.  They even have kit ‘teams’ for home and away games!

On a match day – depending on where we’re playing – we usually drive to the ground about 2-3 hours before kick-off to get the playing kit ready, etc.  If it’s a long drive like say Newcastle or Norwich, then we drive up with or mini-bus the day before.  For places like Wolves, we’d drive up on the morning of the match.  We never fly as it costs to much to fly all the kit!

 

 

 

 

Q3: What are the things you love and hate about the job?

Oww, that’s a tough one…. as there’s nothing to hate about this job!  I really love everything about it, it’s like living a dream.

I mean, the Swans are my local team – whom I’ve supported all my life.  They’re in the Premier League and I’m doing the kit for Premier League players.  What more can I say!  It’s just amazing and everyday is different.

I suppose the only downside is when I go home… as my Mam still nags me about having done this or having done that!  You don’t tend to get that in a normal day to day job do you, well not unless you’re living with the boss I guess!

Q4: When it comes to the kit, who’s the fussiest Swans player?

In fairness, none of them are fussy as such, they’ve all got their own little routines and because we know them all so well it’s no hassle.  It’s just a case of remembering who likes what really.

Someone like Stephen Dobbie for example, likes to wear a long sleeve under-armour top and will only use white sticky tape. Others like to have a ‘mini’ sock underneath their playing sock in order to get a more snug fit when wearing their playing boots.

Craig Beattie on the other hand will cut out the heal on his socks and use them as extra heal padding.  They’re all different but no hassle in fairness.

The cutting of the socks can be quite annoying though and slightly worrying at times, as you can be left wondering if you’ve got enough whole socks packed!!

Q5: Do kit men have groupies following them around? If so what or who would your ideal groupie look like?

[Laughs] well we’re usually either arrive too early or too late at the ground to see any of the girls that hang about waiting for the players.  Although if there are any still around, we (that’s Eamesy and the sports science lads) make ourselves known to them!

Hmmm, my ideal groupie would definitely be blonde… and there’d be lots of them! And just for the record, I am single at the moment.

So ladies, if you’re interested in getting to know the Premier League’s Best Kitman that wee bit better, you can find him on Twitter at @kitman_swans or on Facebook

Q6: Is the best kit lady in the Premier League going to join Twitter?

I was hoping you’d ask me about this.  My Mam has even told me what to say if I was asked about twitter [laughs].  She doesn’t have a clue when it comes to technology, but she admits she’s jealous of the fan club I’ve built up for myself on Twitter in particular.

As she points out though, she is THE BOSS and I am officially only her assistant, although I am solely responsible for the Swans reserve team kit.

I think she’ll be on twitter soon, but I just might have to help her out a bit…. which could be interesting [said with a mischievious smile].

It’s worth noting the Swan’s very own Danny Graham helped Michael setup his twitter account and showed him the ropes during the early stages.  Michael also jokes about Wayne Routledge having over 49k followers but only managing to ‘recruit’ 40 odd for him!

It also turns out that not only is Danny Graham a dab hand at Twitter, but he’s an ace table tennis player as well.  Despite several pretenders to the table tennis throne, no-one as of yet, has managed to beat DG10.

Q7: What makes you the best kit man in the Premier League? 

Wow that’s a tough one.  I suppose a good starting point is that I’m Swansea’s kitman… well only kitMAN in fact, as my Mam is the boss really and she’s the kitLADY [laughs].

I’m also a dab hand at the crossbar challenge having already taken Gerhard Tremmel and Darnel Situ to the cleaners, and they still both owe me as a result!

Gerhard’s meant to buy me a Nandos, but he’s a bit tight like that despite being on Premier League wages.  And as for Darnel, well he’s supposed to sing into his video phone and upload it to YouTube… but I’m still waiting and don’t think I’ll see it to be honest!

However, as you can see from the picture below, Michael did get Darnel to pose with a note stating his claim to crossbar challenge fame.

I reckon I should be on Soccer AM though.  They could do a Premier League kitman crossbar challenge or something like that [laughs]

Seriously though, a lot has got to be said for someone who works for their mother every day – I deserve a medal sometimes – and reckon that’s just one of the reasons why I am probably the best kitman in the Premier League.

Whilst interviewing Michael, I bumped into Ashley Williams and Danny Graham whom both commented on Eamesy’s wonderful kit washing abilities.

Ashley did however request that his kit was warmed up prior to training during the winter months, but I suspect this was more to do with winding Michael up than anything else, especially if Michael’s facial expression was anything to go by!

Before finishing off my interview, Eamesy took me to meet a person whom many people locally claim is the ‘Best groundsman in the Premier League’ – Michael Kayes.

Michael (The Groundsman) was very modest as to this grand title, but took great pride in mowing the pitches to perfection and filling in any nasty divots caused by the players.

I did ask if they were mainly caused by Andrea Orlandi practicing his conversions, but I didn’t get a reply.  I mean, you must have noticed how all his shots always sail way above the bar a la Johnny Wilkinson? Si señor

Shortly afterwards it was time to say farewell and thank Michael (The Kitman) for his time and honesty.

It was refreshing to meet such a down to earth young man whom obviously has a passion for his job and takes great pride in the way he goes about it.

He is obviously a well liked member of the Swans backroom staff and it was evident that he has a good rapport with the players.

So if you’re a Swans fan or simply someone who loves football, then start following the Premier League’s Best Kitman – Michael Eames on Twitter and help spread the word about him being the no. 1 kitman.

You never know, you might even win a prize in one of the many competitions he runs – the current one being a chance to win a pair of Danny Graham’s boots.