Police monkeys

With the weather returning to its normal state, i.e. wet and bloody windy, I thought I’d try and cheer everyone up with a joke I was sent earlier today. I was actually sent two, but the former was waaaaay too rude to put on here! Any here is the “Police Monkey” joke 🙂

A tourist visiting a far away country in the heart of god knows where (possibly Cardiff), walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.

While he was there, a Police Sergeant walked in and said to the shopkeeper, I’ll take a Traffic Patrol monkey please.”

The shopkeeper nodded, went over to the cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit it with a collar and leash, handed it to the officer saying, “That’ll be £5,000 please Sergeant”

The Sergeant paid and walked out with his monkey.

Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said “That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why
did it cost so much?”

The shopkeeper answered, “Ah, that monkey is a qualified breath test operator, can write twenty tickets a week, can deploy Stinger at a moments notice, knows all there is to know on traffic legislation and is authorised by the Chief of Police in pursuit driving – well worth the money.”

The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. “That ones even more expensive! £10,000! What does it do?”

“Oh, that ones a firearms training monkey , it can instruct other monkeys in Basic Firearms Skills, Counter Terrorism Training, Physical Training, Small Unit Tactics and investigative techniques, and even type. All the really useful stuff,” said the shopkeeper.

The tourist turned and saw another monkey, with the price tag of £15,000. “That one must be even better? What does it do?”

That one is a general duties monkey, he is required to know everything about anything, be there yesterday, and then duplicate the information 12 times before tomorrow, relay the same information to 20 different departments, write reports about everything that the old monkeys can’t see anymore, be in 5 different places at once, get yelled at by everyone who passes by, and takes the blame for everything all the other monkeys do wrong.”

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a fourth monkey in a cage of it’s own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper, “That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?”

The shopkeeper replied, “Well, I haven’t actually seen it do f*** all yet, but it says it’s a Detective!”

Thanks to Lance for sharing that with me.