I wasn't ready

I attended the funeral of my work colleague’s late mother today as a gesture of my support, just as he had done for me back in September.

In retrospect, I perhaps somewhat foolishly thought that I would be ok and would be able to deal with the tide of emotions that only a funeral can evoke – especially as it was at the same crematorium as where my Dad had been laid to rest.

My train of thought had been that I’d have to face up to it sometime and that it was better to do that sooner rather than later.   This was partly based on the experiences of my wife whom had been in a simialr situation.

So here I was almost 5 months since I laid my Dad to rest and I now realise I wasn’t ready to face such a range emotions, not yet anyway.  

I struggled to keep myself from becoming a blubbering wreck before, during and after the service but thankfully managed to hold it back long enough to make my way from the crowds.    

Upon reaching the car, I released the pent up emotions I was feeling and it made me realise just how raw my feelings still are.

They say time is a great healer on on today’s evidence I can see why people say that.  

Such sayings might be old adages, but this one certainly rings true for me in this instance.